I'm Sorry...

So, if you follow up on my blogs, you probably know about Emily by now huh? Well, guess what? Emily found my mibba, and she'll probably see this...maybe, if she wastes anymore breath on me. And it's done, us, everything we've built up so far, has now come crashing down. I think I'm in shock, or something of the sort...I don't know. I can't feel it anymore, the heartache, you know? It's like something just snapped in me and made me numb. All I know as that when I saw that, 'Good bye Sarah, I'm sorry we couldn't make this work out.', I was rushing to charge my phone and computer because they were going to die, and I just sort of collapsed to my knees and lost it. I've never sobbed over a girl before.. I've never physically been in pain..

I don't know what to do these next days. I think I'm just going to sleep a bit..I don't know what to do without her. I don't know what to think of myself, what to do with myself. I'm nothing without her. I have no purpose, no place. No happiness. Just the other day we talked about spending the rest of our lives together and today she's saying we're done and I just..what do I do?

She said she wouldn't just leave me like this...like Lupe did. But she is. She is. She's leaving me. I'm just, really scared. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me, that will ever happen to me. I can't stress that enough. I can't..even think straight.

Just...if you read this, Emily, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...and I can't stop shaking. I hope you know I've meant everything I've told you, from I love you, to I want to marry you, to I trust and believe you. And I honestly, truthfully, don't think I can live without you. Not happily at least. But you lied to me too...you said we were in this for the long run...you said we'd get through whatever life threw at us and guess what, life threw me at us. I thought we were stronger than this..I thought I was stronger than this as well. But I'm not. I'm not strong enough to face losing you. I'm not strong enough at all.

So I'm leaving mibba. I'm just, done. I can't.. do this. I can't keep writing on here. Thanks for reading.