This subject I avoid too often, and I don't tell too many people this but this past year has definitely opened my eyes to a lot. This isn't a sympathy post. The story I'm about to tell happened over four years ago.
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I was 13, I just finished my eighth grade year and I was living with my grandparents, but I decided to move with my mom. I don't remember much of that first day, I just remember sitting on the front porch of my mom's place and I saw a kid, who was my neighbor at the time walking past my house. I thought he was cute so we ended up talking that day and exchanging phone numbers. (Why not? He was going to be my neighbor, after all.)
So we started talking and stuff and the first time we kissed I got a weird feeling. (RED FLAG!!) Mind you, this was the first time I'd kissed a boy, ever! So I literally told him I had to leave and left him in his garage, probably feeling stupid. He asked me to be his girlfriend a number of times and I just had a weird feeling about him, when I think about it now. I declined numerous times but the kid wouldn't give up. Finally, I told him and I remember like it was last month or something "I decided not to move with my mom and stay with my grandparents." I don't know why but he got so pissed off. (ANOTHER RED FLAG!)
Finally I decided to actually move in with my mom (but I didn't tell him because I didn't think I had to.) So one day I opened my garage to find him in his. (Our garages were straight across from eachother because we lived in town homes.) He looked at me with such shock and went into his house. I didn't really think anything of it so I just sat on the couch in my garage. Next thing I know, his "best friend" at the time came out to look at me and told me that he really liked me and that I should give him a chance. So after days of his begging, I gave him a shot.
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(I remember this one time, I don't remember how far along afterwards, that "best-friend" of his told me that the day I told him I wasn't going to move in with my mom, he tried throwing himself into moving traffic in hoped that he'd kill himself: ANOTHER RED FLAG!)
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It was ok, the only thing that bugged me was he kept bugging and pressuring me to have sex with him. I was a virgin and he wasn't. I don't know how many times I told him no, but he got to the point where he'd say he loved me and really thought I was special. I remember multiple times, he'd threaten to rape me if I didn't give it up to him.
Looking back now, I don't know how I could be so stupid. Literally the biggest mistake I made was losing my virginity to such a careless kid at such a young age who was literally willing to rape me. (Just for the record, the kid really did have some mental issues.)
So anyway, I finally thought I was comfortable to have sex with him. It was alright, we were young, but we just got so comfortable. We were next door neighbors, for crying out loud. We saw eachother every day and had sex nearly every day. Oh! Also, I lost my virginity about a week before the start of my freshman year (I know, what a dumb ass right?) I was a little worried about losing him to another girl in high school, before I knew it was inevitable. But the kid swore to me, I gave him the cookie so he wouldn't break up with me for some other girl. (SILLY ME)
We started school and we'd go home every day to have sex and hang out. I'd grew very fond of the kid, I mean, I gave him my prized possession. But time passed and we grew more angry and possessive. He was a tagger so he'd often leave with his friends to go graffiti and it would piss me off. I would yell at his friends for taking him away from me.
Time passed, I was 14 now, and we just got way too comfortable. He started to beat me when I would get mad at him. Sometimes he would do it just for fun, I guess? But I stayed like the naïve little girl that I was. This one time he dragged me out of his room and when I stood up to walk down the stairs, I was literally scared for my life. I honestly felt like he was going to push me down them. But I made it out as safe as I could. (Sounds a bit dramatic.)
I remember one time in particular where I thought I was pregnant and he beat me in the stomach. I cried but I didn't want to leave him. It irks me now to think that I actually put up with that bullshit.
Other times we'd fight for the pettiest things. I forgot what the situation was, but I remember he left me alone in his house and I locked the doors, and he came back banging on the doors to let him in, but I didn't want to. I think I was too scared to. Anyway, I finally let him in and he came barging in, throwing a punch to my face that left my on the floor crying. After he choked me up against the wall and broke my cell phone my throwing it to the ground numerous times he apologized but I went home.
Our "relationship" went on (and off a lot more than on) for about six months. He moved away in December and I made a visit to him in February and we had sex, again. After we did, though, he got on his messenger and started chatting with a girl I knew about months ago and didn't like (obviously because my "ex-boyfriend" wanted her). I got so pissed off asking him what his problem was and how could he do that. He said that if I didn't like it I could leave. So I reluctantly left.
The next summer I moved and the kid found his way to talking to me again. Pleading with me about how stupid he was for treating me the way he did and that I should give his changed self another chance.. (NOT A CHANCE!) He turned to drugs and heavy alcohol use, I don't know if it was to cope with his regret or his fucked up life, maybe a little of both? Never the less he was out of my life for good. Until about the next Halloween when I had sex with him just because I hadn't had any in a while. My mistake, another pregnancy scare. This time, he didn't want to beat it out of me. By the time I had told him I missed my period he had a girlfriend. I informed him that I had no intentions of keeping the baby, but he told his girlfriend at the time about my situation. She was even dumber than I was... she agreed to helping him with the baby. That was nice (and stupid) of her, but I had every intention of terminating the pregnancy. (Mind you I was 15 or 16 by this time. Now I'd be more responsible with not only being in a 'might-be-pregnant' situation, but also more responsible with who I slept with.) Anyway I got my period and I spent the following New Years with him and he wanted me to be his New Year's kiss but I declined, because I had already found someone else, who was way more respectful to a lady. He actually had the nerve to tell me that it wouldn't last with this guy because I wasn't ever going to find anyone to settle down with. He was right about me and the guy not lasting because that's a whole other story, but I'm no longer looking to settle down until I have my life exactly where I want it to be for the long-run.
Since then I haven't really talked to him and I'm so grateful to have conquered the situation I was in. I know of a lot of women who don't ever get to leave for whatever reasons they say. Not me, because of him (and two others who taught me a single situation I needed a couple more lessons on), I can't find myself willing to let myself settle. I went through such turmoil and just about every single situation that could go wrong with a relationship in a short matter of six months. I find myself lucky to have been able to learn and grow from it.
I could regret it, but I went through it instead. I can't change the past, nor can I forget it. All I can do is take each day as it comes to me and thank God I'm such a changed person after it.
No matter what, domestic violence is never ok. I didn't speak up about it until a long time after. It's alright to not want to press any charges if you don't want, but do not, under any circumstances belittle yourself to tolerate any less than you deserve. If you give your all an get anything less that anyone's 100%, it's time for a change.
I'm really content with the person that I am now. If things hadn't panned out the way that they did, I wouldn't have this mindset I have.
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