2013 is the year I turned 20 and even though 20 is just the tip of the iceberg that is adulthood, I do feel like I have a bigger responsibilities to carry now.
Since I’m currently in my last year at uni, I’ve been feeling more lost and lost each day. I’m naturally a worrier and an over thinker since birth, but even the experience of stress and worrying and over thinking and crying to sleep I’ve had in my whole life time does not prepare me for this whole growing up thing.
I know you’re not supposed to have it all figured out by now, nobody have it all figured out at 20.
Try new things, explore the world, get hurt, learn to be better, love, live, cry, understand yourself, reach for your dreams - these are the things that people do at their twenties right? I’ve heard about it, read about it, dreamt about it as a child.
Doesn’t make it any less scarier.
2013 has gone by so fast for me - almost too fast even. I’ve done my internship in Germany at the beginning of the year and I come home with the realisation that the real world is 2 finals and one thesis away - and I have absolutely zero shit sorted out.
I’ve done a lot of thinking too this year (almost to the point until it was unhealthy for my mental health I think) and I’ve come to realise the wonderful things I’ve learned so far in my life. I got the chance to reflect a lot of my actions and the reasons behind them (scrutinising little details until dawn, in other words) and I got the chance as well to both forgive and punish myself for my mistakes, and since 2012 was such a busy, hectic year (and downright horrific at the end, absolutely not one of my best year) for me, I find 2013 to be such the opposite; I’ve spent a lot of time just by myself and it brought both the worst and best elements in me.
I couldn’t see it at the time but now when I look back to all the things that have happened to me I see some very good lessons. Some of these lessons may be cliche and have been said over and over, but it’s always a new experience when you feel it first hand.
So here it goes, the things I’ve learned (and still learning now) in 2013:
1. Getting older can be depressing, this especially if you think you haven’t accomplished anything in your life. Use this as a drive to keep moving forward and not staying stagnant or self-pitying.
2. People are different. They think differently. They are raised differently. They are made of different DNA sequences. And everyone of them is just as imperfect as you. So stop comparing yourself to others. Life isn’t a competition, try to understand this.
3. Be grateful. This is a simple statement and a simple gesture but is not done as much as it should. Appreciate the weather, love what you have, tell your families you love them, laugh with your friends and accept yourself as it is. Happiness is just an acceptance away.
4. There will be people that rain on your parade. They will judge, look down on you or look at you like you don’t matter much. These kinds of people exist. Accept it and let it go. They are not worth your time.
5. Friendships end. Keep close to those you know you can trust and stay away from those you know you can’t. Don’t make a fuss, just deal with it.
6. Loneliness isn’t a death sentence. It can cured. Call a friend, text anybody, go out, talk to someone, get on omegle if you must - just stop choosing to be so goddamn miserable all the time.
7. Mistakes are not sin, but at the same time try not to be that person who makes too many of them and learn nothing.
8. Excuses can be made. Lies can be undetected. Smiles can be faked and efforts can be overlooked. At the end of the day the only one who know who and what you really are is you - you should both embrace it and be able to live with it.
9. People will never know how good you are if you don’t show them. So stop second guessing and let them judge - sometimes this is the only way to learn and move forward.
10. Say things because you want to say them and not because you know people want to hear them. While pleasing will earn you a smile, honesty will earn you respect - and sometimes this is more necessary.
11. Don’t forget to breathe every once in a while, some things you just can’t control - don’t let little stones on your way change who you are.
12. Being at war with yourself is exhausting. Stop it.
A lot of these things I’ve just discovered when I’m trying to write them down. I’m still learning most of them and I have no doubt in my mind that I will never stop learning them. I forget sometimes that perfection does not exist. That things aren’t always going to be ok and no matter how much I try to run from reality, it is all that will be waiting for me at the end.
On top of it all, I’ve learn that life always moves and to live is to keep moving. You get hurt, you cry, you get frustrated and you cry a little more and the goal isn’t to try to eliminate all of the bad things; it’s to try to find happiness in between and appreciate it when you do find it.
2014 is a new page and I know I will face greater, harder challenges; I will finally be thrown into the real world and it’s the most terrifying thing I have yet to discovered - but I’m hoping that I will be ok.
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