I feel like people want nothing to do with me any more

It's just been circling around in my head this week. It's like people are getting tired of me and don't want any thing to do with me or talk to me when they need the company just until the person they're actually waiting for comes along.

Even friends just don't even say hi to me any more, weather it be online or in real life- it sucks. Isn't it already enough that I have such a hard time making friends, and got my first real friends just like four years ago? I'm 18 and I got my first friends when I was 14. Like I've been bullied etc. fine I've worked my way through that but people that I actually consider to be my sisters just don't even get in touch with me any more- yet they complain that when I'm visiting the town where I used to live, that I didn't hang out with them when I've asked them like a week in advance if they're busy or not.

It's like I'm apparently pushing the people I consider friends and family away when in fact I try to keep as much in touch with them as possible. I don't even know why I bother trying to get along with people when I know I can be quite the handful once you get me out of my shy outer shell.

I honestly feel like I'm not meant to have friends that I'm supposed to be alone forever- literally. Just my family- them living their life and me just tagging along, getting complained at for not finding friends.

Honestly, I've been asking myself this every day for years now - am I really that bad of a person to be friends with? To hang out with? To talk to or just even be civil with?

I get bullied like almost every day in school still, verbally and I just don't know what to do any more. I'm so tired of it. Like I don't want to sound melodramatic or something but I really really feel as if I'm useless and a complete and utter waste of space.

Mibba, I don't want to take it out on here but since I really don't have any one to go to at the moment.. i just, i don't know what to do any more. why bother trying to do anything. It's not worth it any more.