Time for Me to Apologise

I just want to start this off with a HUGE apology to my readers and my friends on here. It was probably very unfair of me to disappear for such a long time, but I feel as though it was a well needed break.

I've always had this ever-present problem in my tendency to run away from things. For a very long time I've been dealing with a huge load of anxiety and sadness, and when it bubbles too far up to the surface, my response is to run away and block out anything that troubles me.

My reason for leaving is pretty shitty and probably won't make a lot of sense, but I'll try to explain it to you as quickly and as thoroughly as I can!

I don't have a lot of self confidence. People on here have probably noticed (especially those that I talk to!) that I tend to disappear every now and then, even if just for a few days. I do this because I get into moods where I just hide out in my room and avoid everything -- real life, online life, commitments, etc. Recently I lost a close friend because of that, and he sort of made a point of telling me that it's selfish of me to get like that and that not a lot of people will be okay with waiting around for me -- or stick around at all.

Naturally I freaked out. I jumped off the deep end then -- deciding that instead of hurting and being mean to everyone because I sometimes needed time to myself, and instead of risking letting people down, I'd just not bother to uphold any contact at all. And as such I entered my longest ever sequence of avoidance.

I just want to say that I'm sorry. If you've left a comment on one of my stories, on my profile or sent me a message and I haven't gotten back to you -- whether it be a few days or (heaven forbid) much longer, I'm very sorry. It's not like I read them and decide not to respond. It's not because I don't like you or because I don't appreciate you or because I don't think that you're good enough. I always intend to respond. Really. I just have this bad tendency of avoiding the things that are positive in my life.

My readers and my friends on here make me very happy. Receiving comments on my profile, on my stories or messages in my inbox makes me very happy. I'm sorry that I'm not very reliable, but I do appreciate every single one of you. I never take my time because of YOU. I take my time because of ME.

I feel really terrible about it. I'm going to post this and then spend the rest of the day avoiding, and tomorrow I'll come back online and start responding to things. I'm pretty scared that everyone will hate me, because it does seem kinda rude to not respond for ages. Oh well. I've got to try at least!

LOVE YOU ALL. What's been happening on Mibba while I've been gone? I literally have not logged on since late November.

See you tomorrow and hope you're all well!