Day time drunk and 10 things you should know about exes

*I actually had to edit the title because I'm drunk and spelled it wrong. Go me.

So maybe I'm day time drinking, which in essence, I think should be done every once in a while. There is something strangely fun about drinking and dancing at home. I suggest it if you're having a bad day, though I don't usually want to advertise drinking. It's just a suggestion that you don't even have to follow, ja feel?

Anyways, I feel like because I know a lot about exes and because I have to deal with a particularly nasty one, I want to right my top ten things that you should know about exes. This is in no way approved by anyone but myself, I could have no idea what I'm talking about, and I'm not Oprah, but I would like to think that this will help someone. So let's get this show on the fucking road.

1.) Exes are exes for a reason. Sometimes not very good reasons. But I strongly believe that when you break up with someone, you really need to think about why you did. Was it conflicting ideas? Was it because one of you didn't feel the same? Was it on a whim? Did they do something to really upset you? A lot of times people think that the reasons, big or small don't matter, but they do. You are essentially breaking up with a person because you either find something within them that you don't like, or vice versa. That thing doesn't just disappear. Apologies don't make whatever it was go away, so just remember that whatever you broke up about will still be there if you get back together. It may have been resolved, but it doesn't go away.

2.) At one point or another they will want to get back with you. Whether it is two days after the break up, whether it is thirty days after, your ex will at some point consider what it would be like to get back with you, just like you will do the same. This doesn't mean that you should get back with that person. The quote, "Maybe you think about a person all the time is because you're supposed to" is absolutely wrong. You think about an ex all the time because of this cognitive thing called memories. This does not at all have some forced meaning that you need to get back together. So remember that. Just because someone wants to get back together with you doesn't mean your supposed to. It's just another want on a long list of wants.

3.) Sometimes they want to make you miserable. An ex wanting to make you miserable, in a sense, has nothing to do with you. It is an internal dilemma that they want to reflect outward onto you. An ex that is set on hating you and making you miserable is trying to deal with the pain that they themselves feel. They are trying to justify the way they feel by ensuring that you feel equally as bad. It isn't because they hate you, it isn't because the genuinely enjoy it. It's because they themselves, though sometimes unaware, are acting out in relation to how they are feeling and they don't want to be the only one who is miserable out of the relationship. Don't retaliate, and no matter how much they make you mad, they make you cry or they make it seem like they are out to get you, try to keep in mind that the more you let it get to you, the more you're justifying the way that they feel. The best thing that you can do is to acknowledge that they're feeling shitty and move on with your day.

4.) If they're ignoring you, let them. There is nothing worse than when you are ignoring someone to get over them. If you realize that they aren't speaking to you, let them. Sometimes being friends isn't possible. Don't take this personally, take it as something that they in turn are doing for their own mental health, and let them. If you are ignoring an ex for this reason of trying to move past the relationship, let them know. Tell them that you don't mean to hurt their feelings, but for you to be happy and in a healthy state of mind, you would like to cut ties. But do not, and I stress do not use the 'it's not you it's me'. THAT NEVER WORKS.

5.) It's okay to have feelings for them. Sometimes you will always love someone. There is no shame in that. But always loving someone does not give you the right to dictate the way they do things, and it does not permit you to be miserable over it yourself. You have to accept the fact that a part of you will always love someone, and you go out and you get on with your life until you find someone else that makes you just as happy or even happier. You can always have a piece of you that is fond for someone while loving other people. Our love is not just made for one person; it is made for many people in different variations, forms, terms and situations. We love no two people the same, so keep that in mind if you still have a soft spot for an ex but you love someone else. Love does not have a limitation. But also remember that if that love is completely blocking out your love for someone else, THAT ISN'T HEALTHY. And you should find someone else who you do not find yourself hindered to feel for.

6.) Cut ties with them or don't. Do not have this awkward middle ground where you are sort of friends. Be friends, or be nothing. It is that simple. Having an awkward middle ground or being frenemies with an ex with not be beneficial to either one of you. It puts you both in a position where you can hurt one another's feelings in a social atmosphere and you nor your friends will know how to handle that. Be cordial, or be nothing. Middle ground is dangerous. It is where the land mines wait to blow up and it is where the sharp comments, unconscious and purposefully come out. No one wants that sort of mess. So try and be nice and comfortable, or simply avoid them.

7.) Be clear about where you stand. A lot of people struggle with the idea of having ended things with a clear notion of why, or where you stand now. A lot of people are obsessed with "closure" but this is a hard thing to deal with. It's ambiguous. What is closure to them may not be closure for you. So instead, opt for a clear understanding of why the relationship ended, and where you stand now. Know where you stand is beneficial for both parties, that way lines have less of a chance of being crossed, and you know what you can and cannot do. Don't fight for this ominous 'closure.' Just know where you stand.

8.) Your ex does not define you. The kind of person they are, were, or become does not define you. You may think that it some how reflects on who you are as a person, but it does not. Maybe being with them change a few things about you, or people have some preconceived notion about who you are because of your relationship with them, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that internally you understand that you are your own person and who they were does not make you who you are. Whether they were awful to you, or they were great to you, it doesn't matter. What ultimately matters is that you remain true to yourself and you continue to be yourself without fear that people will think that the person you are inside is marred because of your relationship with someone.

9.) Exes are people too. Believe it or not, they feel just like we do, they hurt just like we do. So though you may feel that the relationship ended because of their faults or because they hurt you, remember that they do feel. They may not understand the way you're feeling and you don't have to understand how they're feeling, but you need to understand that on the most basic level, they have feelings and if you continuously try to exploit them, the ended the relationship, or them as the person they were while you dated them, it may hurt them. You will be no better a person if you forget they have feelings. It doesn't matter what they did to you, it doesn't matter how bad of a person they are. Nothing they ever did can justify you forgetting that they are born with feelings and that you need to respect those feelings, no matter how hurt you are, no matter how much they provoke you to act out or forget they're human.

10.) It's okay to get back with them. Getting back with an ex is okay. But only under certain terms. You have to be able to acknowledge what went wrong, and you have to religiously understand that "insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results." I stress this quote, because you have to ultimately have an understanding that getting back together with that person can result in a break up again. At your very root, you and that person are still the same people. You still have the same instincts. Getting back together with an ex is fine as long as you don't expect it to go back to exactly how it was. Something has to change in order for the ending to be the same. If you start at the same place that you were and attempt to "get back to what is normal," how can you ever expect to have different results? You can't. You have to change something in order to get a different result. This has been proven in almost every field that exists, math, science, history, writing, art. Change equals results.

I'm no hitch, but I think that if people can try their best to understand these, sometimes dealing with exes can be a lot easier. Idk. I'm drunk.