I need help on a writing assignment

Hi guys, so in a few weeks time I have to turn in a writing assignment that I'm really nervous about. I don't really even need to give you the kind lines and such on it because that isn't really the important part. What I would really want to know is if any of you awesome people would be willing to read and totally tear it to shreds on grammar and syntax errors. Like I really need people to read over it and tell me what they think I need to take out. I NEED YOU TO CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICIZE THE HELL OUT OF IT BEFORE I TURN IT IN.

Essentially what I would do, is post the story as a one shot if at least SOMEONE tells me they are willing to go over it and tell me what I do need to fix. I would post the few guidelines within the summary page itself so you know what to look for, but I really don't want to take the time to post it on here if no one will help me hash it out/ will bail and not look over it.

So yeah, if anyone is wiling to totally pick at a story and pick my brain, shoot me a comment. The story itself, if it helps you make a decision, is a short story about a girl who is going to be in cotillion to make her mom happy. She isn't a fan of doing the whole 'becoming a lady thing' because she doesn't fit in, but she she wants to do it for her mom.

I'm really hoping someone who is really good at writing can help me out here. For class literally everyone has to review our writing pieces and we spend thirty minute sessions where everyone talks about your story and what is wrong with it as well as what is good with it.. and you cannot say a SINGLE thing. I get my feelings hurt really easily about my writing unless it's the people on mibba because like, it's through a computer screen. So when I tell you I want you to fucking rip this story apart and MAKE me make it perfect, I mean it. If you're a writing genius, I NEED YOU.

So let me know!