Is Individualism Really a Good Attribute to Have?

So it's been a while since I've been on Mibba, but here I am. I am making it a goal to "publish" more of my work for the world to see rather than keeping them locked away in my dresser.

Anyways, onto the topic: Is individualism really a good attribute to have?

Growing up, there is this quality of individualism that is installed in people--especially in the USA. We have this idea that the individual will overcome all, through pure determination and hard work. We admire these attributes. That's probably why everyone loved that Superbowl commercial with that little puppy and the horse. That puppy represents that spirit of individualism and that a person--no matter how small--can overcome anything as long as they keep trying and are determined. And because of this idea, I think it makes it hard for people to express themselves and ask for help from others. I think people understand that help is needed, but are reluctant to ask because it means they haven't worked hard enough, or they aren't good enough or skilled enough to handle the task at hand.

I confess I have this problem myself. In my case, it is expressing "negative" feelings--such as depression, anger, jealously. After so many years of pretending that everything is alright and pretending that I have everything together, it's so very difficult for me to ask for help. To open my heart and allow myself to be vulnerable . (As you read that last sentence, what associations are you making with that word: vulnerable? Is it good or bad associations?) In my case, I think being vulnerable is linked to being weak--being unable to handle the situations I am in. And for that reason, my walls come up and I pretend to be strong. I put on my mask--my smile--and allow my feelings of pain, vulnerability and anger to sink into the deepest, darkest place inside me, until it all comes bursting out.

I'm in love with a wonderful, caring man. And I hate that I'm hurting him by not opening up to him about my feelings. And it's not like I don't want to tell him what's bothering me. It's very difficult for me to express these things with him because I'm so used to dealing with my feelings on my own--whether it be through writing or bottling it up. I understand that it's human to feel angry, sad etc. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH FEELING THIS WAY!!! Despite knowing and understanding this, something inside me won't allow to reach out for him and ask for help. I'm scared--I'm scared to be vulnerable. I'm scared to lose that "independent-nature" that has been installed in me by asking him for help. By opening up to him and allowing myself to depend on him.

It hurts me because I know it hurts him and it makes him feel helpless. And there's nothing he can really do except tell me he'll be there when I need him.

So why do I do this? Have I just been too conditioned into pretending everything is okay--to illustrate that independent and successful ideal that had been shoved again and again in my face--even at the possible expense of my relationship?

Comment on your feelings--whether about my situation, your similar situation, or even just your thoughts and ideas on the topic. I would love to hear what people have to say!!