Letter to Me, a Year From Now.

Dear Caity,
So cool, you're halfway through being eighteen and I guess I thought talking to myself would sound way cooler but mostly I just feel awkward but whatever here we go.

Basically here's where you're at writing this letter.
Your favourite band is One Direction and you want to fuck shit out of Louis (And hopefully you still do). You're seeing Green Day in like fifteen days. You have three favourite bands left to see. You're looking for a job and watching Breaking Bad and wondering why you can't just cook meth for a living and let's hope no one but you sees this because who knows where I'll be when I see this next and I don't want to be arrested.

Here's where I want you to be:
Have a job, have some sort of qualification, even if it's just your RSA. Party hard, drink, take drugs, make out with nice looking people and live like you're going to die. Stop being so reserved. Try new foods, listen to new music. Live with an open mind, don't close yourself off because you will miss the most beautiful people and things. Don't be afraid to lack sleep, there's plenty of time for that later. Do not, ever, be afraid to eat. Eat big meals, eat when you're bored and hungry and tired and awake and social. Eat. Eat. Don't let people discourage you from it. You can exercise when you feel like it. Being eighteen is not about living healthy, it's about having fun. Watch more sunsets on rooftops and say yes more often. Break more bones at concerts, get on stage more, sing until your throat feels like it's bleeding. Don't be small, don't be scared or sorry, be big, be loud. Take up the space you deserve. Be the teenager you want to be, while being responsible enough to hold down a job and not die. Have your goddamn P plates so you can rush off and see the kids in NSW dying behind their screens to meet you. Get a tattoo, get ten, get thirty, cover yourself. Don't pierce your nipples. Don't modify your body unless you want, don't do what your boyfriend or girlfriend tells you would look good. You can't please everyone, stop telling yourself you can.

Know you are wanted, remember you have the power to change your situation. If there's something you don't like, change it, fix it, (twist it, bop it), remove it. Cut it completely out of your life. You do not owe anyone anything, it is not your job to feed a toxic friendship. Kill it before it kills you.

Hopefully you've traveled a bit, but if you haven't, the second you read this, go to the bank and put all your loose change in a bank account. Do not spend the money, save it and go to Thailand or Alaska or somewhere overseas.

Don't cut yourself. Your skin is precious and you are worth more than that. Don't think about cutting yourself. You're over a year self harm free now and everyone's proud. I'm proud. You probably won't admit that, but I am. I'll admit it.

Do something useful and good with your life. You've always wanted to sponsor a child - when you're not saving, when you're financially stable, do it. Don't think about it, do it.

Do that all the time. Think less, do things that make you happy and don't wait for approval from anyone. It's your life to mess up, your mistakes to make and your goddamn future - don't ever believe otherwise.

Hopefully, if you're lacking direction, this will give you some sort of idea. Don't dwell on past things, you're not going backwards. You're almost nineteen now, enjoy your last teen years. Fuck shit up, have fun and remember how you feel now - it's how you should always feel. Content.

And if everything gets to much, take a deep breath. Take a step back. You're going to be okay. You will.
February 5th, 2014 at 03:34pm