having the audacity to not like beyonce is a perfectly good reason to break up

I just found out my boyfriend doesn't like beyonce.

what.

whaaaaaaaat.

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS? HOW DID I NOT KNOW THAT I WAS FRATERNIZING WITH A BLASPHEMER? THE ENEMY? HOW COULD I?

Quite honestly I feel disgusted with myself. I feel... dirty. How could someone not like the goddess epitome of perfection and beauty with the voice of a million chorusing angels Beyonce?

Clearly, clearly he accidentally suffered a head injury or something. Something had to have gone wrong. There is no possible way that this is natural. Beyonce, c'mon man.

I mean, even if her music isn't your thing, sure, okay, but how CAN YOU CRITICIZE THE FACE OF PERFECTION?

HOW?

SHE IS BEAUTIFUL. FLAWLESS. PERFECTION. SHE IS... SHE IS BEYONCE. THAT IS ENOUGH.
JESUS CHRIST.

HOW.

I am just speechless. I just. I can't. I'm rethinking this entire relationship now. What else don't I know? DOES HE SECRETLY ENJOY KICKING PUPPIES? PROBABLY. 'CAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE BEYONCE. AND YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE BEYONCE DO?

KICK PUPPIES.

OBVIOUSLY.

She is a goddess. And he is not.

Jesus.

I just needed to vent about this horrible news I've come across. And on Valentine's day. When I see him, oh, oh, he must redeem himself. We are going to spend all weekend just listening to all her albums, on repeat. Over and over. He won't even get to eat. You will be replenished by the voice of an angel. Feel the nourishment of her perfection.

ohohohoho next time we get frisky I'm gonna put on beyonce and there is nothing he can do to stop it muahahahahahaha.

Doesn't like Beyonce. Clearly, he is just confused. Don't worry, I will put him on the right path again. I'm like a shepherd. I'm like, baby Jesus, showing him to the light.

You're welcome.