With March 1st being World Self-injury Awareness Day, I want to take a bit of a different approach to it. Self-injury Awareness Day is used to bring awareness and education to self-harm, something that is often ostracized and feared in our society. Instead of addressing the people who berate self-harmers as many do, I want to take a different road and address the people who are actually harming themselves. If you know someone who does this, this blog will hopefully help you as well to help them wean themselves away from self-harm.
I want to help people by talking about ways people can cope not only with their problems but also with the urges to self-harm.
Before I begin, I suppose I ought to give you a bit of backstory on myself. Maybe knowing who I am and what my story is will make people emphasize with this blog more. Most of you know me but if you don’t, my name is Airi. I’m a 20 year old woman from California, the Bay Area to be exact. I am also a mental health patient. I’ve been diagnosed with major depression and Social Anxiety Disorder. I started treatment over a year ago and I see a psychiatrist once a month while also see a therapist every three weeks. I am also a self-harmer. I’d like to call myself a former self-harmer but I can’t. My poison is cutting and I’m four months clean from it. I still harm myself in small ways but I and my doctors are more concerned with stopping my major harming from happening any longer. Regardless, any form of self-harm is bad and it all needs to be stopped.
With that said, I want to now give you guys some methods of coping that you can use instead of choosing to harm yourself. I know how hard it can be to fight the urge to hurt yourself but you have to keep fighting. Recovery is hard. It may be one of the hardest things you’ll ever actually do in life but it is worth it. Recovering will always be worth it.
This list is compiled of things my therapist and I have discussed as a “safety plan” for me. I thought it might be able to help others.
1. Write.
Writing is an excellent form of therapy. It’s helpful to get your emotions out and often times, we can write the words that we cannot say. Writing not only can get your emotions out but it can also keep your hands busy and that is very important when it comes to stopping self-harm.
2. Find something to hold.
Find something that relaxes you to hold. Stones are often good for this, particularly ones sold in stores as they often have smooth surfaces and running your fingers over that surface can be soothing. Bracelets can help. Counting the beads will distract your mind and your hands. I’m partial to bracelets, I find counting the beads to be very soothing.
3. Find something to do.
Be it cooking, video games, music, writing, or something else it is always a good thing to do. Find things that you like to do and something that’ll be accessible to you when you need it. Find multiple things you like to do so you have backups if your main thing is unavailable to you.
4. Talk to a friend
It’s not easy to talk to people. God I know that all too well. My social anxiety makes it hard for me to talk to anyone but I’m very slowly learning how to do it. You can too. If someone with social anxiety can learn how to do it then so can you. Never sell yourself short, you’re more capable than you realize. Talking to a friend or family member you trust and who understands can be a big help. Likewise, friends/family members: do not talk over them. Listen to them. When people come to you in an hour of need, they don’t want someone who will talk over them, they want someone who will listen and let them talk. Don't try to talk over them and don't try to control their feelings. Just listen. That's all they really want.
5. Understand
Understanding is a big part of coping with self-harm and the urges. You need to understand that it is an addiction beyond your control… But something you can take control of. You need to understand why you do it and why you need to get better. Likewise, people who have friends/family who self-harm need to understand as well. If you don’t understand, you will never be able to help them. Don’t judge and don’t berate. Support and care for them. Get to know them and why they’re where they’re at.
6. Know your triggers
Self-harm has triggers and you need to know them. Once you know them, try to keep yourself away from the triggers until you feel you will be able to handle them. It is not “pathetic” or anything of the sort to avoid something because it is triggering. Never believe someone who says it is; they have no idea what they speak of.
7. Have a crisis number.
I have my local crisis number saved in my phone, courtesy of my therapist. Save one in your phone too. Even if you never call, it feels nice to know that the crisis line is there to fall back on. Crisis lines are not just for the suicidal but for anyone who needs a helping hand. If you feel you’re going to self-harm and can’t stop yourself, give it a try. You don’t even have to say anything if you don’t want to. This is the way my therapist put it: You don’t have to talk, they’ll still listen and be there for you if you ever do want to talk. It’s fine to just call to know someone is there. If you’re unsure, it’s fine to call and tell them you only wanted to in order to know what happens. They’ll tell you. don't be scared. And they will. These lines are transparent and they’ll tell you what a crisis line can do for you if you need it. I’ve called my local crisis line before and it does help. I would recommend saving a crisis line in your contacts for if you ever need it.
8. Breathing
Breathing exercises are a comforting thing. You can even do them in public if you need to, most people will never even notice. Controlling your breathing is a very relaxing and soothing thing to do. It is also a good distraction. I use this method quite often, it’s very helpful.
That is all I’ve got. So I hope this list has helped at least one person and I hope you take what I’ve said into consideration. Self-harm is a growing issue and it’s sadly still very ignored. It can’t be ignored any longer. People cannot continue to suffer in silence. We need to stop berating self-harmers and we need to stop making self-harm out to be a joke. It’s not a joke. It’s a serious issue that needs attention and needs to be dealt with.
In the end, if you ever need someone to talk to, you can always send me a message. I’ll be happy to listen to you and help you in any way that I’m able to.
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