Contemplation

Contemplating on whether I should act on it or just let it be? Whether I should be a big baby and cry or pretend to be strong and suck it up? Whether I should yell at the world or hide in a corner and keep to myself? Whether I should say what is on my mind or keep my feelings balled up inside? Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself. I contemplate on that too. I ask myself every night have I done anything in life to prove that I am who I believe I am? Who am I? Contemplating on if I can go another day of seeing my family struggle. Watching my mother break her back and fight her way through hardships just to put clothes on our backs and a roof over our heads. Contemplating if I can go another day of being picked on and bullied. Being called fat or stupid. Being pressured into staying to myself. Into secluding myself from the outside world. I'm constantly contemplating if I can go another day of seeing my Papa get smaller and smaller as he lays in the hospital. Helpless. I can't do anything. But contemplate.........