Forever Alone

Honestly.. I'm a graduating senior think I'm the only girl at my school now who's never had anyone in any remotely sexual way. My best friend just got swept up by a hot musician.. I can't help but feel a little scornful just because I thought we were in this together.

I really don't mean to pout or be one of those attention-seeking people, I just feel like I need to get this out somewhere. If I were to tell my friends, they'd tell me exactly what they always do. "You're beautiful; just wait, it'll happen." No, I don't need to hear lies.

The more I think about it recently, the less I think I even WANT sexual attention, which of course shuts me off even more to conversations with men than before. It's ironic, because I'm reading this story about someone slipping into their imagination because they think they'll never find a romantic partner, and lately that's been happening more and more often to me. I don't like who I am, so whenever I'm by myself I pretend to be someone different, and like "my" partner is with me too. And when I do that, I've never been happier.

It's getting more and more exhausting lately to deal with all this bullshit.
March 6th, 2014 at 04:47am