Slump

Honestly, the last time I was consistently creative and productive was middle school. For some reason, I had stories cranked out like crazy when I was in like, eighth grade. In high school, I was producing less work but still writing every day, which is more than I can say now. Maybe I was just miserable, and the misery served as creative fuel, but I really just miss how easy it used to be.

I have been in a massive creative and emotional slump for about two years. I think it may have actually brought on the collapse of my last romantic relationship. It's probably something more specific than a slump, like depression, but the point is, I want to start creating again.

When I was younger, I thought I couldn't possibly contribute anything new or necessary to the world through my own writing or artistic abilities. I thought, there was nothing that had not been done, only what I hadn't found. But recently, I've found myself searching for particular things in the world that are either absent, sparse, or simply disappointing. I'm finding spaces in the world where my work could fit, where it belongs, and I just really don't know what to do with that, with believing in myself and what I can create, and believing that it has purpose in the world.

I don't even want to make a living writing. That's not even the deal.
Not that I'm saying I want to write for free, not that I'm saying I don't. I just want to be well enough off to take care of my mom, and myself enough to be able to write and draw and live in the first place--- if I have to achieve that through working at Target, cool . I want to contribute to society, to culture, to the era; it's the raw human desire to scream I WAS HERE, I WAS HERE AND I MATTERED, EVEN IF IT WAS JUST TO A BOY WITH HONEY EYES: I WAS HERE AND THIS IS HOW THINGS WERE.

I'm going to work myself out of this slump by posting a few short stories on this account. I just need to find my writing style again, to familiarize myself with original characters and development. I'm already working on one story, which I'll probably start posting once I get the story layout finished (I've been having technical problems with it, eugh). Anyway, I really just needed to clear my head, so yeah, pointless blog entry is pointless. I also really just wanted to test out my blog layout as well.