A Stolen but Cool Idea, Welcome to the World of Me.

First off a shoutout to @dandyandy whose blog entry about himself encouraged and inspired me to try it out. Check it out, it's awesome :)

I'm naturally horrible at speaking about myself, I think it comes with the gig of low level self confidence. I'm going to step out of my comfort zone though, after reading the blog of a fellow returning Mibbian and tell you a little about what makes me tick.
My name is Louise Patricia LaBudde and I live in Beenleigh QLD. I'm nineteen going on twenty and to be frank am yet to find my footing in the adult world. I'm from a family of five, two parents and three sisters, and I just so happen to be the baby of the family.

I struggled through high school and unfortunately stopped trying towards the end, for this reason I was unable to get into University. For the past couple of years I have been banging my head against an invisible brick wall, trying to work out one of life's greatest questions "Now What?" While I don't have the entire answer to that never-ending question, in the way of Career and study path I chose Children Services. It's dull sometimes (theory work, is it ever made to be fun?) but once I see the smile on a child's face and know in some weird whacky way that I have helped create it, it becomes for me the greatest choice I ever made.

I live with my folks, which has it's ups downs and more than it's share of highs and lows. They say you can pick your friends but not your family, I gotta tell you sometimes I think I drew the shortest straw. That being said, other times I've gotta admit I'm pretty friggin lucky. Of my two older sisters, I have a horrifically fractured relationship (we don't speak whatsoever) with one and an amazing bond with another. Being the baby is never fun but my oldest sister always makes sure I have a shoulder.

I live a lot of my life with a nose in a book, a song on replay, or with the sounds of my fingers banging on a keyboard. I am a self-proclaimed bookaholic and it’s something that has never really changed. I got into writing when I was about nine and the first story I can ever remember writing that lasted more than two and a half pages, was a story about a deaf high school detective. The story was not to see the light of day, as after writing a little over twenty-thousand words (a pretty good feat for a then eleven year old, if I may be so bold as to say so) I decided I hated it and deleted it entirely. This simple gesture marked my four year writing slump where once more I could not write more than a few pages.

I got into poetry originally, because I was jealous of my best friend writing songs. I couldn’t understand how she could make something like that and I couldn’t, having instead to rely on my rambling stories. My first poem was pathetic, I wish I still had it because it was amazingly bad.
I mostly just take life as it comes to be honest, I tend to be the calm one in amongst the headless chickens. I guess I just never see the point in freaking out that much. That’s not to say I don’t, I just do it inwardly.

I’m single and to be honest I have a love hate relationship with that title. On one side, I love my space. Don’t take that the wrong way and think I don’t like spending time with people, because I really do. I just tend to know when I need to go to my own space without people and being out of a relationship is great in that aspect. On the other side, I miss the cute stuff like flirty texts in the morning, snuggling in the movies, and the general feeling that you were loved in a new way (non-family or friend related). This love hate relationship has been going on for roughly 2-3 years now (I never remember definitive times), so clearly I have a relatively okay thing going with it. Still, fingers crossed for a someday happy ending.

I hate politics not in the sense that I don’t see the point in it as a whole, I just tend to think that most politicians are to be frank fuck wits. I’m not religious but I won’t insult someone who is, the way I see it, you don’t shove your religion down my throat and I won’t shove my lack of down yours. I believe in Marriage Equality and if someone dare try and insult the right for LGBT couples to marry, I will insult the living shit out of you. I’m not LGBT myself, but I believe that love is love and that if I can express my love for someone as a heterosexual than someone who is LGBT has every right to as well.

I tend to see the best in people and for that reason give way, way, way (multiple that by infinity) to many chances. That’s not to say I’m a pushover, I just hate the feeling of failing someone. To refer back to what I said about lack of self-confidence at the start of this ever growing rant. I have very very little. I tend to put myself down in the never-ending cycle of pushing people up. I don’t necessarily think this is terrible, however it certainly does pave to many chances for my own shining moments of brilliance. I love music, singing makes me so happy and in another life I may even have considered myself okay at it, however in the years of soul-crushing put downs I have inwardly inflicted upon myself, I have found it hard to accept that there is something I perhaps have an affinity with. You can read that and think “wow what a dumbass, why can’t she just be confident?” and I completely understand that opinion, in some ways it is similar to my own. However just think “before you start pointing fingers make sure your hands are clean” (Bob Marley).

At the end of the day, I’m just like you, neither of us truly knows exactly where we are headed, what twist turns and hiccups we might face, and inevitably where we will be when it all ends. You are making it all up as you go along, and I’m doing exactly the same thing.