I am the result of a Guatemalan mother and an american dad. I am a mix, but I don't feel like a mix. I am latina. Yo soy chapina. For so many years I neglected my native language. I grew up trying to define the language in my head: Español, English, spanglish, inglish, Spanish, it would make my head spin, literalmente.
Fact is, I learned inglés before Spanish. By the time I was 3 I was this little bilingual girl that forgot how to say watermelon but knew what a ferrocarril was. It was natural, the way I'd speak rapid Spanglish with my brother. In my head, words mix. Like me. But it doesn't feel that way. I forget one word, so I replace it with otro. This is how my head works. This is the fluent language in my head.
I have always wondered if I could write a story with this weird mix. There are so many beautiful words I can not translate and the imagery in my head is lost in translation.
For years I'd read about English speaking countries and I forgot about mine. I was obsessed with English and somehow turned a blind eye to what I really am. From here. I grew up here, I belong aquí. I am tired of making up excuses for why I don't read in Spanish and it's time I own up to it.
I feel as if I am in debt with mi misma. Sure, it is great that I improved my English, but the reality is that I live in a Spanish speaking country and somewhere inside me I know I will continue to do so.
And just to be clear: My accent no me define. Because I have no accent makes me any less latina, any less Guatemalan. It does not mean I lived abroad, which I didn't. It does not make me a half-breed. Estas palabras, this enunciation of words, does not make me any less.
Yo soy the aqui.
And yes, I constantly type 'the' instead of 'de' and it annoys me, but it simply happens. And so I will let it be.
On another note, I plan on writing about my hometown and country in general. I want to write in Spanish, Inglés and Spanglish. I want my country to be known, to get out there. Me duele ver so much potential waste away here, so many beautiful stories untold. But the truth is that most of users here are English speakers and if I want to share with you what I live and see here, I'd have to go Gringa and speak English.
It is time I give back to this place I call amor.
To any interested, I recommend watching this video:
Antigua Is Also Happy (click on it for link)
I know most of the people in that video. That mime? He's always either in the central park or la calle del arco (arch's street) and he is so much fun. I remember when he started off, and now he's a renown character of the town. That girl in the green uniform works in a pharmacy near the gym and she's super smart and could basically be a nurse. The guy at the beginning is a painter and an author and has 10 books published. He's hilarious.
It warms my heart.
This is my home. Where my heart lies.
Esta es mi casa.
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