Addictions.

It's a been a while since I've written anything on here, I guess it's been a while since I've felt I had to. I used to make myself numb with my addictions, drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes were always my release from the realities of my own mind, luckily I realised most of these were more detrimental than they were beneficial. I still smoke a pack a day and binge drink once a week, but I'm a student so that's a given right?
I've never been a confident person, despite the impression I attempt to give off to my friends and family, these addictions used to make me comfortable with myself. They'd make me a lot less self-conscious and generally more outgoing, which I loved, it was almost as if these were the only times I could be myself. I like to think that currently I'm more confident than I was, but I'm not sure that is true, I still can only speak my feelings when I'm drinking and I do things I'd never be able to do whilst sober; but, again, that's normal right?
I was never addicted to sex, nor did I really have much of a sex drive. Sex was something I used to validate myself, it was the only time I felt wanted or attractive, and that hasn't changed. I still sleep with people I have no feelings towards, sometimes I don't even find them attractive, but this is just who I am. Now, recently, I've tasted something much sweeter. Her. A girl much like me, reserved, hard to read, probably just as emotionally stunted. She understands me, and I her.

Now is this an emotional attraction or simply a physical attraction paired with my need to feel important, to feel wanted or attractive? Is this jealousy because it should me she flirts with and not random guys in bars, or just because I want to go home with her? Is this undeniable urge to confess feelings that may or may not exist an attempt at finding love, or a tool to make her want me?

Is she my new addiction?