in seattle without an umbrella.

it is moments like this when I realize how unhappy I am with my life.

it’s 2 am on the monday that begins my first college spring break. and i’m sitting in my dorm, eating chips, drinking orange juices and feeling lonelier than I’ve ever felt in awhile.

i’m tired and my eyes feel heavy but everytime I close them all I see is this blackness that i want to go away. I want it to be day time again, but this time without rain and without wind and without time passing.

i want to lay in the sun for hours and hours and never get a sunburn. i want to listen to the same song a thousand times on repeat because it is the only song that can help me get through these next few days.

there are times where i want to be alone, but never do i want to feel lonely.

i’m unhappy with my life because i’m fat and can’t seem to find a significant other in this hell hole of a bible-banging town and i don’t know what i want to do with my life. hell, i can’t even decide what i want to eat half the time.

there’s only one thing i am certain of in this chaotic life and it’s that i want to be happy for once. whether it is happiness in seeing my favorite band again, or laying my head on their chest as we watch the Friday the 13th movies, or laying in bed for hours on end or just doing my homework as you send me silly snapchats of your pets.

i want happiness, but it seems like i’ve been stuck in seattle without an umbrella.