Friends and their opinions on self harm

I'm probably going to get upset writing this blog out as it's quite personal to me.

Yesterday marked three hundred days that I was clean from self harm and to me, that's a big milestone for me. I'm almost at a year and three hundred days is quite a lot isn't it?

I wanted yesterday to be a happy day. I went to college with a smile on my face (and that doesn't happen very often) and as soon as my 'friends' saw me, they asked why I was happy. I told them the reason and they just completely dismissed it. I would have let it slide but the day before, another friend asked me why I have an orange bracelet (piece of string) on my wrist. I said it's for self harm awarness as it was a while ago but I haven't wanted to take it off.

He replied, "Well you shouldn't just cut yourself. That's fucking pathetic really, doing that to yourself."

My other friend said to me, "You must have been fucked up in the head to self harm."

I wasn't fucked up in the head, I was in a really dark place for four years. I've only just come out of that dark place. I completely lost my shit at them. How dare they say I was fucked up, that I was pathetic. They don't know what I went through.

And then in the afternoon, what pissed me off the most was that I found them bitching about me to this girl I don't get on with at all. I've tried to befriend her but she doesn't want to know me at all. They were telling her how I'm attention seeking by bringing up my self harm. I felt I could trust them by telling them that but evidently I'm wrong.

I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't make friends when I started college because of past experience and I broke that promise and now I'm paying for it.

I really don't want college tomorrow because I know I'm going to lose my shit at them again. But I have to go in. *sigh* I don't like people. Let me be surrounded by dogs and dogs alone. Please world.