I Still Miss You, My Darling.

I wan't to be the first to say, I do not want to admit any of this, but I'm going to.

I really freaking miss you, I miss everything about you. I miss holding your hand, I miss talking to you and hearing your voice. I miss your hugs, I miss your touch. Most of all I miss your kisses. I don't quite understand why we didn't work, why you were so stubborn to see what you did to me, I did a lot for you. Or so I thought.
We were together for so long, it seems to me that i'm still getting over you, I still wish that you would leave her- your new love. The girl you left me for, I know you wont admit it, I know you don't want me to know, but I know that's why you left. She is the reason why we didn't work, she is the reason you broke the promise you made to me. You found somebody better; I get it, but I wish you knew how much you hurt me. I wish you knew how much I still love you. By God I can't fucking tell you that though. I can't walk up to you and say "Hey, I know she's the reason, I know you love her more than me, but I am still completely in love with you and would take you back in three seconds if I could." That would be creepy, and he would never EVER go for that. After all, he did tell me that I was pushed into the friend-zone the day it all ended. The day my world started to fall apart.
I wish you knew how much you still make me smile, that I still think about you, but you don't want to hear it. I know now that you never completely loved me like you love her, you haven't been with her for a year yet and she's the background on your phone.
I was NEVER the background on your phone, and we were together for a year and six months. Even when i stole your phone that day, took ridiculous pictures of myself in your bedroom and set them as your background, you changed them back. I can't help but think you never really loved me. That some part of you just made me your beck and call girl, for those days when you wanted a good make out.
But do you know what really fucking kills me?
Do you know what really hurts?
The fact that you told me you lost your virginity to her- as soon as you turned 18, the age you promised your parents that you would wait for. You slept with her, and told me. Do you know how much that killed me? I was in tears.
But you would never know that, because I will never tell you. I will never tell you that I still love you, that you will always have a special place in my heart, because I know that you've moved on, that this girl that you left me for is special to you, and i guess if you're happy. I should be happy.
I just wish you were honest when you broke up with me. I wish you would have told me the real reason why I wasn't good enough for you, why I couldn't make you happy. It was not my fault we didn't communicate, it was not MY fault our relationship failed. I knew what was happening, and I asked you; I asked you if everything was okay, if we were okay, and you said yes. YOU PROMISED me that you weren't going to break up with me again.
But that was all you said, that was all you said for a month, and then when we spoke again, when you responded and gifted me with your beautiful presence; you broke up with me.

In one sequence of fucking sentences you threw my heart on the ground and stomped on it until it was dust in the wind. Now there's nothing left, now, all I seem to know is heartbreak. All I seem to get is people that treat me like shit, and you could give none. You could care less. That's what makes me believe, that you didn't really care at all.

Yet I still love you. I still want you to hold me, I would still change for you, I would still come crawling back into your arms and cry on your chest. I still want you.

I know that will never happen. You will never give me that chance again, and I don't even know why.