Virginity and Sex

I've had a lot of time on my hands as of late, and most of that time I've spent thinking. Not just about virginity and sex, no (I'm not that bad of a pervert, guys) but about life in general, you know?

In a lot of cases, people use turning points or markers in their lives to define them. Like when they first got their real kiss, or a permanent job or when they first lost their virginity. Things like that. It's like these turning points are part and parcel of what define them.

I've been spending a lot of the time I have now thinking about the stuff I've done that helped define me. So here I am, ticking off all these things in life that I've managed to get done until I come to that little tiny mental checkbox for "had sex."

And I couldn't tick it because, well, I haven't.

And that got me to thinking some more (note to self: thinking really is bad for health). How much of my decision to stay a virgin until twenty one has been my own? I mean - I come from a society where the value of a woman when she marries is primarily determined by whether or not she marries a virgin before anything else. My family still believe in arranged marriages, where traditional weddings hold ceremonies that signify the appearance of a blood stain to determine whether or not the wife has had prior sexual intercourse or not. If she has, her husband's family is allowed to call off the wedding. If she hasn't, then she's deemed an honourable and worthy woman and her family (especially her brothers, male cousins, father, yada yada) held in high esteem.

I wonder how much of these social factors had influenced me in such a personal decision. I value my family, and I hold what they think of me in very high regard. But I am also my own person. I crave the freedom to make my own choices, regardless of their consequences. A lot of times, I wish I could go out there and meet someone that I like and not have to think about what my actions with that person could mean for my family. I am educated, and I've learned the values of feminism, the low points of bowing to a predominantly patriarchal society and the high points of a good degree. But still... there is too much of my society's values in me that I cannot completely break away without losing a part of myself.

Why is there so much pressure for a woman to stay "intact" until she marries? Why can't the same be for men?

I really need to stop thinking sometimes.