unlike me to say but true

I feel like everything for anyone, everyone and especially my family, would be easier if i was gone. No matter what they say or do, even if they reassure me, I feel like a piece of shit. Mentally, emotionally. Im no where near stable enough to think straight anymore. Working two jobs to pay my bills isnt helping.

Im at the point with anxiety, that all I want to do is freak out, throw up. And pass out. All the time.
Im beyond self harm, I cant physically injure myself, so I mentally do so. I dont know what is worse to be honest.

I need help, I need a shoulder to lean on. Someone to talk to that isn't going to tell me Im just being childish. I dont care the age, Im just going insane inside. And I need help.