Mornings

Well..
Another day another pointless, emotional seeping blog..But ha..who the fuck else will even listen right?
I mean..
I try to explain these things..going on inside me, in my head..but it's like..I can't find words to even measure to a fraction of it's immensity..
Rage would be the biggest understatement of the century for me.

The last couple days I don't understand.. I feel something bothering me..weathering me..
I should feel happy..and at most times I do.. But I know it's not real..it's not real because nothing is real when these feelings happen..
Nothing matters to me when I feel like this..

But I don't quite understand how I feel..Maybe it could be him again.. Itching to get out because of all these people who can't seem to stop provoking me.

Why can't people just leave me alone? Why can't My OWN THINGS BE MINE!
I do NOT....tolerate stealing.

Maybe that's it..
All I feel is that indifference.. with the after-taste of bitter and bottomless rage and sorrow.
And it looms it's murky shadow over every aspect of my world..
Tainting everything it touches with it's own monstrosity...
All i feel are the urges to get shitfaced..like unbelievably trashed.. or to just simply hurt someone.. I want to feel their bones crush beneath my hands..Like i used to..I want to feel the warmth of their blood washing through my fingers like sand..

UGH..
And this is why I put on my mask..I can't be accepted for what and who I really am.. Society will forever neglect my kind..it's sad because all we want is understanding..for someone from the outside to feel the inside ..and be able to understand.. We exist because of people who will read this and think everything out of my mouth is utter bullshit, and that I need to live more of life..

I'm 20 years old.. and I've seen enough blood shed, felt enough violence and seen enough loss to last me for the rest of the time it takes for this world to finally burn. I know that not a single person is innocent.. and that evil exists because God has seen what we've become.. What makes anyone think we are deserving of any sort of mercy after they step back and take a look at what we have done to ourselves.

Not a single person is innocent..And before heaven..everyone dies. Everyone will know fear and will question their God.. If you feel the need to do that then you don't deserve anything he has to offer you. Humanity is the most disappointing thing I've come to find in life..
Nothing bad would have ever happened to a single person if everyone was dead.