It's been raining all day long. The wind is blowing the pine trees around my house and the wind chimes are swaying. I started out at the kitchen table staring out the window. But, I got restless. Normally, I don't pace; seeing others pace makes me nervous. Tonight though, I was pacing the house. I started in the kitchen, made my way into the living room, and then down the hallway.
I kept checking my phone just in case I missed a call or text. But I knew no texts were going to come in.
I'm lonely but I'm also okay. It doesn't hurt as bad now. There's still a hope deep inside of me that in the end, I won't be alone. That I'll find someone better. The "letting go" hurt is better than a "hanging on stupidly" hurt.
But there's something missing to this lonesomeness. I guess it's a numbness.
The dark skies and rain are sort of comforting. It's the bright days that depress me.
I think the cold reminds me that better days are to come.
The sun and the warmth just tell me that the good days don't always last.
It seems a little ironic, I guess. But life is the most ironic game we play.
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