A boy with whom I've had serious feelings for recently told me that he didn't want to date. It wasn't because of "me" but because of the whole "girlfriend" thing. He said, "I think I'll be held back." Talk about a low blow. His words made me think--was I someone who would another back? I am an incredibly passionate and determined person; leading me to think that if anything, I would encourage someone to pursue their dreams, not hold them back. And given the situation, me holding him back wasn't what would happen. Rather, vice-versa was more likely.
Yet I'm sure he had his reasons. Instead, it just made me think more about what do I need and want.
To start, why would I want someone who thinks I'm going to hold them back. For the entirety of the relationship I've had with this guy (we'll call him John), it's been centered around him. I've done the work in keeping the relationship together by asking questions about his life and future and the possibility of an us. It wasn't false, I genuinely wanted to know. But hindsight is 20/20, is it not?
I want someone who's going to support and believe in me. Someone who can believe my dreams could become a reality. Because no matter who I'm with, I'm going to believe in them. I'm blunt and honest and I'll always tell you what I think of you. And I want that in a relationship.
I want someone who hates my cheesy and punny jokes but loves them, too, because they're something which make me, well, me. Someone who knows that I can't recount stories to save my life without carrying the story on for an amount of time which becomes awkward. Someone who I can trust to read what I write. Someone who challenges me, and drives me, and wants to travel with me.
So what I've learned, is that I can't settle. There will always be someone out there who thinks you're "cute" or "pretty" or "handsome." But what about the person who thinks you're "quirky" and "gorgeous" and "special". It's worth the wait, and you can't allow yourself to settle.
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