Struggle

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will rip my skin apart."

I have never been bullied. At least, I haven't been bullied in the way that you think. I've never been shoved into a locker or gotten a whispered "Fag" comment from someone. I have however bullied myself. A lot.

Looking at yourself in the mirror and saying "Ugly" won't result in hurt feelings immediately. But after years, it will take its toll. So much, that you will never see yourself as anything but those insults. This is a fact. I know I am not informing anyone.

After years, of insults to myself from myself has ruined me. (Interesting sentence there). It has resulted in depression, self harm, and lack of confidence. Or really no confidence. I have social anxiety because I am afraid constantly of what people think about me.

I have asked myself, why? Why do I do this? There is no simple answer to this in my mind. Lord knows there could be millions of things that impacted me.

As I watch my own little sister grow I see the same happening to her. I will do anything to protect my sister even if that means protecting her from herself.

In the end, I think all I really want is peace.
Peace from the raging wars inside my mind.