Slowly, but surely, I am sinking deeper...

Mibba, I refer to the clutter that is my life at the moment, and I can't express enough how frustrating it is to feel so out of control.

You see, I like to think of myself as a somewhat organised soul. My books are kept in a particular order. My DVDs are the same. I keep files labelled specifically and write countless lists of things that need to be done. My bills are paid in record time. Birthday and Christmas gifts are bought months in advance. I'm constantly working to keep myself at a pace that keeps my life balanced and stress-free.

But, Mibba, as of late I think I have put too much on my plate.

I have been engaged for five years and been with my fiancé for six and a half. It's been so long that I often mistake it for being engaged six years. Not that it matters. Point is, I have been engaged for a very long time. Long enough, in fact, that it has given me a considerable amount of time to plan the wedding.

My date was chosen before anything else. The 25th of October 2014 is exactly seven years since I started dating my fiancé. I consider seven a lucky number. I actually just realised that 25 can be 2 + 5 = 7. Also 2014 can be 2 + 0 + 1 + 4 = 7. And October has seven letters. Now I'm reminding myself of that movie. What was it? The Number 23 or something. But back to my story. Since the date was chosen before anything else, I was well aware of the time I had to plan everything, and save.

So I took my time, and everything was going smoothly. I'd found a dress and had it made. I found the venue. My centrepiece design. Cake design. Shoes. Hairstyle. Quite simply, I had everything done. All I needed to do when 2014 rocked around was to book it all.

And then the time came, and I completely changed my mind on everything. Now I like lace and floral, and I'm super picky on appearances. Basically, I had to start over. So far, it hasn't been all too bad. I booked a different venue which is super secluded in a rainforest retreat, and its cute, and I love it! I also found my dress (which I totally entered a competition and won it) and also the bridesmaid dresses. I've redesigned the centrepieces. Booked the celebrant and photographer. Booked the florist. Everything is pretty fine and dandy...

But I'm also building a house. In fact, the house is due to be handed over next Tuesday (yay six more sleeps!) The whole building process was pretty much stress free. The slab went in quickly, then there was a momentary gap over Christmas before the frame went up. I was happy. But the office chick promised it would be done by end of February, and the site supervisor confirmed. But they clearly lied. He then proceeded to tell me end of March. Clearly another lie. Both were quite irritating points of the process. (Colour and lighting appointments were easy as pie despite people telling me it is the most difficult part)

Anyway, now that I finally have the finish date, I am happy. Unfortunately, that finish date comes with expenses. I'm talking hefty sums, and even if I have been gathering my savings for it, I'm slowly sinking.

My partner and I have been living together for some time, but never in our own house. Hence we have never needed to buy furniture. Sure, we have a bed. Sure, I have been adding to my glory box over the years. Now it's come down to it. Everything had been thought out, until I realised I would be sitting on the floor in my house.

I'm stressed, Mibba. Money is a silly thing. I hate it. I wish we didn't need to rely on it. But April has become quite busy all of a sudden. I have variations to pay on the house. Payments to be made on bookings for the wedding. Furniture to go in the house. And with all of this, once I move in to my house, I will have repayments and bills to pay as well.

I am an organised person.

Repayments. Bills. Deposits. All of these have been put into a very well thought out list of what will be paid and when. Our incomes have been allocated. Savings have been structured. But I'm still feeling flustered.

Work is the source. To add to my continuous obsession over the wedding and the house, is work.

It is driving me absolutely mental. I have been here for five years and practically run the place. The workload piled on top of me was ridiculous. And the pay is simply not worth it. Finally, they brought in another lady after four years of running around the office like a headless chicken. It took some of the work off. But I still didn't have time for lunch breaks. For nine hours straight I worked.

Now they have brought in a new computer system. This was supposed to make my life easier. It was supposed to take off most of the time consuming work that I do each day. No. Just no. It didn't do shit. It gave me more work. The process is more time consuming. I now stay back late to get through my work.

To top it off, my helper has quit. Shit.

I'm sinking, Mibba. Slowly, but surely, I am sinking deeper.
April 9th, 2014 at 01:46am