moving out

"are u okay today?"
"Yeah besides I've been thinkin' bout u more"

i'm moving out on sunday (cant make it through the rest of this term living on campus because of money issues) but i feel kind of good about it in the sense that i always feel really guilty about costing my mom this money for living here when i rarely sleep in this fucking dorm anyways i mean yeah i worked for a few years and earned my own shit but i still feel bad so i told her i wanted to move back home at least for now because fuck that im not living at home for longer than i need to granted i wont be sleeping there much anyways because i have his studio apartment across from starbucks plus my friend's apartment in beaverton

feels pretty weird like things are coming to an end already it's hard to believe that it's already fucking april and i havent

1. written anything new in at least two months
2. talked to alex in about 3 weeks and it feels really good which i never thought i'd say
3. done anything i said i wanted to do on that lame stupid list i made
4. kept in contact with any of my old friends and actually ended up deleting a lot of them off of facebook because (which is ironic now that im fucking MOVING BACK HOME) but i had this intense need to distance myself from anyone i met back in high school. like im so ready to just let go of every experience that happened to me there and focus on the one's happening in p town
5. gone more than four consecutive days without drinking

i smoked an entire pack of cigs yesterday
and half were smoked while laying down in a hotel room bed watching law and order while my friend next to me was on fuckin snapchat and the other two were fucking in the bathroom

ya know you told me that you'd tell me how you feel today and you havent texted me back

anyways i've done nothing but watch bobs burgers recently (watched season three in two days) and that's fucking awesome. i'm tryin to stay connected to this site and the people on it i really am i'm sorry i'm not giving up