KISS LOG.14 (greece)

WHEN: the night before boarding the plane to greece
WHERE: 360’s

Im writing this over a week after it happened but i still remember it so well. He fucked me much slower than usual and i could have screamed into the pillow it has never been better. I remember the alternations between fast and slow,hard and soft

WHEN: the actual dates of things got pretty blurry.
Its like somewhere between 11-19 APR 14

I dont really know what happened. i remember meeting Boy at the airport and it was perfectly normal. Boy, my best friend,and I wasted time at the German airport, then later that night,the 3 of us hung out in Boy's hotel room until 1 am. And nothing happened;at the time, i think I still liked him but earlier, I had already decided i wasn't going to hook up with him or further confuse myself

Then on the second nite, Boy kissed me when we were alone in my hotel room. I think we were drunk,and i convinced him to fuck me without a condom. Then i convinced him to do it with his hands around my neck n vice versa. I came to the conclusion Boy is simply terrible at sex. hes not a very good kisser either

Afterwards,i was visibly upset for multiple reasons:
1. this could have potentially ruined any chances i had of becoming friends with Boy again
2. If it came down to it, i would still choose 360 over Boy because,
3. even though i like him so much more than 360, Boy's just not fucking good at it, no matter how hard he tries

Later that nite,i sat on the balcony with Boy for a couple hours. I smoked an entire pack of cigarettes and we talked about everything, like Tiffany and his other friends,360 and what happened in March. It was the first time i ever really talked to Boy and i ended up liking him even more than before

The next night we had sex again,even though we said we wouldnt. It was a little better this time, and afterward,we stayed up talking about less serious topics.He didnt make me feel silly when i explained the reasoning behind my wrist tattoo. it is ridiculous how in sync Boy and i can be

It happened again the next night,for the last time. he is plain awful at using his fingers. Still in bed,i asked him what he wanted to happen afterward, and basically he wanted to stay a thing with me,but not if i didnt want to. I let him know how confused i was about everything but i was going to keep seeing 360 again after Greece. We agreed it made sense;we were never going to last anyway

Then the night following he kissed some random Italian girl and i ended up crying,which was terribly stupid of me. Boy,my bestfriend and i had all gotten drunk out of our minds. when i watched it happen, at first I was okay and didn't care. Earlier this year, i watched him hook up with other girls all throughout Mardi gras and i never cared. This night however i practically threw a temper tantrum;i walked out of the club and stupidly cried while my best friend told me what Boy does shouldnt affect me at all, i had already made the decision to stick with 360. I was angry and practically kicked her out of our room. She ended up moving to Boys room anyway because he was nearly puking on the bathroom floor and had no idea what was going on. In my pajamas,i sat outside in the freezing cold, smoking another pack of cigarettes(Im quitting because it is gross). After an hour or 2, my best friend found me feeling significantly better. There was a net over the pool,and we sat over it where we talked a lil and joked around until a security guard came to kick us out. We stayed out until 4,just messing around the way we usually do. I felt a lot better by the end of the nite

I think what happened was i was already feeling so shitty over the series of events that had happened in such a short amount of time. Im just so terrible at dealing with feelings in general and everything had crept up on me so suddenly. Since i was never the jealous type and what boy does really is none of my business,i think what really upset me was the worry I wasnt being honest about what i wanted. I knew i was making selfish decisions

The next morning at the beach,i was able to joke around about it with Boy. I briefly mentioned my manic episode,just to see if he was even conscious when it happened. Then i semi-apologized while also making fun of myself and we laughed. It wasnt weird at all

The next couple nites were simple. the 3 of us stuck together during the day,and I had no problem being around Boy so plainly. At night we pushed together the beds in my room and Boy would sleep with us. Everyday and night we would always drink

On the second to last night,I got stupid drunk,like belligerent drunk. Unfortunately this time, it wasnt just the 3 of us and we had other people in the room too. What happened was id said a series of embarrassing things, crawled into Boys lap and fell asleep before we were able to leave the hotel room. The next day was absolutely mortifying. Boy was acting weird, and i couldnt figure out why. My bestfriend had to remind me what happened. i was pretty embarrassed and avoided Boy for the rest of the day

The next afternoon though, Boy and i were smoking on the balcony alone and i was able to pull it together. We talked again, really talked,and i lightened the weirdness by making fun of my drunk self. For the most part,Boy and everybody is used to me being so composed and all there,but this week pretty much everyone saw the most extreme versions of me. Im under the impression Boy still likes me;i think we will always like each other. We're only friends now and i think its really going to stay this way

This last nite,we fell back into our non-weird routine. We walked to the beach and bought twice as much alcohol as usual, inviting everyone to spend the night in our room(even though like 2 people stayed). i didnt kiss him though i could have. At the airport, we talked about our favorite books while everyone else slept. We sat next to each other on the very last flight and later,i said goodbye to him and his dad

Tonight i was supposed to see 360 which made me so happy about coming home. i dont know what changed my mind but at the last minute,I pretended to forget we had made plans. I think i have to adjust to the time change and old habits at home before i decide to go out from 12-5 A.m. i am seeing him tomorrow night though and im never not excited. Hes still best for what i want at the moment
April 20th, 2014 at 07:42am