Continuation of My Last Blog || Driving Classes + My New Job || Other Things...

As some of you may know (well, whoever read my last blog will know) my grandfather was sick. Well, he passed away on Wednesday April 2nd, 2014 at two o'clock in the morning. My mom broke the news to me at four, when she woke her husband and son up to go to Philadelphia. I was able to suppress tears for a bit, but eventually broke down in my mom's arms.

The funeral was on Saturday April 12th, 2014. I was strong until my dad sang a song in remembrance of him. I ran to my mom and just sobbed. I wore waterproof mascara that day, but it didn't work. Cheap shit, ya know. I've been able to get back to normal life. I even started driving classes.

They started on the 7th of April, and I was so nervous the night before that I was about to vomit. It wasn't even that bad! The worst part was all the side conversation going on, which was distracting. I passed my final exam with a 96%. Pretty awesome, right? I went to the MVA after I left class, but my step-dad couldn't sign for me. So, we had to go home to get his marriage certificate to my mom, and my birth certificate. We went back, but were never called. So, we left and went home. My mom was heated, but whatever.

UPDATE

I went yesterday (April 21st) to test for my permit, and passed. As a reward, I bought myself frozen yogurt. I don't understand how buying myself yogurt is a reward, but okay.

Oh! My new job! I'm working with my grandfather at the flea market. I sell Pandora-style bracelets. I even got to make one for myself - for free! I only work on the weekends, but that's fine with me. I need to save for a car, so any money will help.

The last happy thing before this blog takes a turn; have you ever heard a song, but didn't know the title? Well, that was me this past Saturday. I heard a Rascal Flatts song (I knew that much) and wanted to look it up when I got home, but forgot. The next day, I remembered that I was supposed to look it up, but couldn't remember the lyrics. So, I sat at my laptop for an hour, trying to recall even the slightest lyric. Finally, I remembered "baby blue eyes". I Googled that with "and" at the end and "baby blue eyes and your head on my shoulder" came up. The song I was looking for is called "Fast Cars and Freedom". I was so thrilled to finally have it!

Okay, now for the bad part.

My brother has been pissing me off for the past few weeks. I swear to God, if he doesn't get put in a mental home soon, I'm gonna fly off the fucking handle. He claims to be hearing voices, and claims to want to hurt himself. It's funny how when he comes home from school (every fucking day) he's perfectly fine. When he claimed to be suicidal, he was laughing and playing around like it was nothing. I want to just explode. I've felt suicidal. Hell, I even tried! It's so fucking funny to him, like it's a joke.

When I was suicidal and harming myself, my mom didn't hesitate to put me in a mental home. She didn't need professional consent then. Whenever I say he needs to be put away somewhere, she says this, "I can't do anything unless the doctors tell me to." BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! She just doesn't want her precious little boy to go away. It's funny how when that was me, she was on the phone with Dover Behavioral the second she even suspected that I was self-harming. I just, UGH! This pisses me the fuck off. I'm the only one who's not fooled by his faking. I seriously need to get away from this shit.

Anyway, I'm going to go. Whoever's reading this (if anyone is) is probably tired of my complaining, and I'm sorry for sounding like a whiny baby. Just understand that I have no one else to vent to.