I Never Thought You Meant It.

We used to talk all the time, staying up all night to message each other. We would cheer each other up and make each other smile. We would talk about absolute rubbish and we would pretend everything was fine. We understood each other on a level that made us close. We were always there for each other.

One day, the messages came less and less frequently, but they would still be as special. We would still be able to spill our hearts to each other, knowing we were both there for each other. I would check my messages every day hoping to see your name, my heart pounding when I saw it, stopping when it wasn't there.

Eventually, I decided that you must hate me, but that was wrong, you hated life. I never realised how bad it was for you, not until the messages stopped. I didn't think anything of it, I just thought you needed space but that wasn't true was it?

You needed help.

You needed someone to talk to and I failed.

I wasn't there.

When you said goodbye, I didn't believe it. I never thought you would do anything like that.

But now you're gone and I still miss you like the day I first found out.

I send you messages and emails still, hoping that one day you'll answer and it will have all just been a big misunderstanding, that we can go back to the way we were.

It won't happen though. Not now.

I'll have to stop messaging you soon. I'll have to get over you.

I know, it's impossible. You were my best friend. You were the person I was falling for and now you are no more.

The hardest thing?

I blame myself. If I had messaged you to see if you were alright, then you might still be here, replying to the hundreds of messages I sent you, cheering me up when I'm down or giving me stories to make me laugh, or even asking me for help.

I don't blame you. I never will. I know you needed a way to stop the pain, so you took the first way you could find.

It will never make me hate you though. I could never hate you.
April 23rd, 2014 at 11:15pm