KISS LOG.15 (Hypersexuality and Pregnancy Paranoia)

WHEN:22 APR 14
WHERE: 360’s

So I had planned on seeing 360 on the night before I returned to school from spring break. Around 11:15, about 10 minutes after I left the house,my dad called me so he knew I had snuck out. Pretty much at that point I figured i’d already be in a ton of shit for just trying to leave, so I saw no point in coming back home.

12 a.m.

I took a cab to 360’s house,already deciding to spend the night instead of going home at 4 the way I usually do. I hadn't seen him in over a week and we fucked almost immediately. The difference between fucking him and fucking Boy is huge.

1:30 a.m.

afterward we watched Malcolm in the middle and I gave him a blowjob; Ive noticed these two things will always lead to ridiculously good sex. Super stupid good sex and i never know how to accurately describe it

2:30 a.m.

Naked,we watched silence of the lambs and he would kiss me on my cheek and shoulder. Then he sort of tried to hold my hand which always weirds me out,i don’t realli know why. I do want him to like me but im unsure of whether we should date. he would be my first boyfriend, and relationship stuff,anything relating to commitment always makes me nervous. But maybe im thinking into this holding hands business way too much haha if he wants to hold my hand, that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to be my boyfriend lol and anyway,if he really does like me, thats not a bad thing is it?

Whenever he shows interest in more than just fucking,it always catches me off guard. I think i like the cozy lil nose kisses,im just not very used to them

3:00 a.m.

When we had sex for the 3rd time, he put his fingers in my mouth and we nearly pulled each others hair out. He left scratch marks down my arms and back. I dont really remember this one

3:30 a.m.

Afterward we talked for a really long time about everything. It wasnt like usual, and now i know so much more abt him. Talking to him still isnt like talking to Boy but we've gotten further past things like tattoos and Yung lean. We always tease each other and i think i like him a lot. The weird thing is he seems to have too much in common with me,u know? he’s like me in good ways, but especially like me in bad. The things people tell me as well as the stories he tells me himself make me think he was a shitty boyfriend. But it all sounds like stuff i would do if i were somebodys girlfriend,too. Whether or not its a good thing,we really do think a lot alike and i think we’re on the same page about what we want. Even though i dont trust him too much i really do like him a lot and i cud spend days in bed with him

5:45 a.m.

we watched the pilot episode of Arrested development, Its 1 of my favorites so i laughed a lot more than he did haha. When the sun came up, we fucked again. i came almost immediately and afterward we debated whether or not i should go to school. I figured i was already going to be in so much trouble, thered be no point in going. Still undecided, we fell asleep

At 7 a.m. I woke up with barely enough time to make a decision. i texted Gabby to see if Boy would give me a ride to school which is probably the weirdest position i cud have ever put him in (and I've put that guy in a lotta weird positions). I wouldnt have asked Boy to give me a ride from 360’s, especially considering how obvious it was that Id spent the nite,unless it was my only option. Plus Boy and 360 live literally on the same street so he wouldnt have been going out of his way very much. Boy said he would take me but then i got lazy (no surprise there) and resolved to have 360 drop me off at school around lunch instead

But then we way overslept so that didnt happen. my parents were pissed as fuck at this point, but eventually I did end up showing up to school in time for last period. He kissed me goodbye before i left his car. it was fairly obvious to everyone at school where Id been all nite/day

Then when i got home, my parents grounded me again, which made pretty much zero difference;i was already grounded. They suspended my cell for a month (2 weeks if im good)and tomorrow,i have an in school suspension for "cutting" which I dont mind very much at all, itll basically be a study hall that lasts all day

I think this is gonna be the last time i see 360 for a while and im glad i really made the most of it hahah. im starting to really push my parents and I no longer feel motivated to do well in school. Even though i feel stupid for letting a boy screw up my priorities,360 always makes it feel worth it (but only in the moment)

Im worried sex is becoming too big a factor in my life. it seems to be the thing I’ll always choose first, and in the first couple months Id started having sex, i assumed it would just be a phase i would eventually grow out of. But instead,im risking even more just to have sex and I'm still thinking about it just as much. Even though i would never go as far as to having sex with strangers, the fact i fucked Boy on the Greece trip still pisses me off

Plus im constantly worried about getting/being pregnant. 360 and i never fuck with a condom,we just don't. I think its simply b/c we both like it better without,and we've never really talked about it. Considering im not on any type of birth control, i know i should be more careful. Awaiting my period distresses me daily while getting my period has become monthly celebration. I think i am taking a lot for granted and eventually its gonna bite me in the ass
April 25th, 2014 at 02:07am