Living With Vermiphobia.

I ask that you please not make fun of me or leave disrespectful comments in response to this. This is something that I'm majorly affected by and sensitive to. I'm coming forward with this so maybe it will help someone and to just give you all an idea of this horrible phobia I live with. Thank you.

Vermiphobia is the fear of worms basically. Whether they be earthworms, maggots or tapeworms, that's pretty much what the phobia is. People can go into panic attacks just from the sight of worms or they have an acute fear of becoming infested with them.

The strength of this phobia varies from each person affected by it but it can cause panic and anxiety attacks, shortness of breath, sweating, overwhelming feels of dread or panic, rapid heart beat and levels of emotional trauma. Some cases of the phobia are worse than others. Some people just avoid worms and then some people go to extremes to avoid ANY and ALL contact with them. Below I am going to share with you all the ways this phobia affects me and my everyday life.

The average person in the world can see a maggot, earthworm or any type of animal worms and be fine. They may think these things are gross but otherwise, they don't give the issue a second thought. It doesn't affect their day or stain their mind for hours.

For me, I have VERY strong and intense feelings of dread and panic by the sight or near knowledge of finding any of these worms mentioned. My biggest trigger is probably cat/animal worms and maggots. I fear that if I see them, stand near them or even breath near them, that they will somehow get onto my skin and bury themselves and infest me. The thought of worms crawling and writhing beneath my skin or any animal's skin makes me crazy. I lose all rational thinking. My natural and immediate response is to run far, far away. Otherwise I'll seize up and start going through horrible emotional and mental strain. My palms sweat. My brain actually feels twinges of pain.

I go as far as quaranting anything I wore or that came into contact around said worms, even if I didn't touch them. If there were maggots or cat worms outside, I've even made my husband remove his shoes and clothing upon entering the house and I clean them immediately. I scour my hands with hot water to the point it burns them slightly and I use anti bacterial soap several times.

I keep my living space immaculate and free of trash so no maggots will form. I even will take time to erradicate and kill all flies that come into my house out of fear of them creating maggots. If a fly just lands on food or anything, I won't eat it out of fear that it has laid eggs and they'll hatch maggots in my stomach.

I've cried before and locked up because of worms. I constantly visibly observe my pet's hind parts and leavings for signs of worms and keep them on regular worming medication. It's all very horrific for me. For the most part it doesn't affect my entire day in the sense where it delays any of my activities such as work but if I find some outbreak of maggots in my home, I'll call out of work probably so I can stay home and kill/clean up every last one.

I'm not entirely sure what triggered this. There was an incident when I was around ten years old that traumatized me. There was a boy who was the son of this woman my mom grew up with. He used to chase and threaten me with earthworms. When you're a young child and female, bugs and insects are usually revolting to you. So being chased with worms and having them physically thrown on me was just terrorizing. It's weird though because I'll see earth worms on the ground and while the sight discusts me, I can walk past and go on with my day without emotional strain. When it comes to maggots though, I just....panic.

As an example, last year in October 2013, me and my husband took a four hour drive to Cincinatti Ohio to go to an Avenged Sevenfold concert. Before I left I made sure that all the trash was taken out and any food was thrown away. I left a fan on for my cats but otherwise no air conditioner cause it had cooled down a lot. I stayed at my parents overnight so I was gone for about 40 hours total from my home.

When we came back, I discovered a fucking nasty outbreak of maggots on the floor in my room. They were in the carpet and wriggling around on top of it. Now I freaked the fuck out. I didn't cry but I was tripping and verbally spazzing. My husband helped me clean them but we discovered they were burrowed down deep in the carpet. We vaccuumed and he picked every last one out with tweezers for me. Now I'm not a nasty person who lives in filth. There was no food or trash left behind.

I researched that flies can lay their eggs and the maggots can hatch places without food sources. It can be a random occurence. That fact scared me even more. I'm always making sure that if there's even a scratch or cut on my arm or anywhere, that it's covered when I go outside so Fly Strike doesn't happen or that I'm not infested. I've thrown away countless things of mine that I thought maggots may have touched even though the rational part of my mind tells me they probably didn't come in contact with them.

The physical reaction I have to this is NOTHING compared to the emotional trauma I get. As I said earlier, my brain feels this actual scratching sensation. I'll think of worms wriggling under my skin or an animal's skin and I just lose it. My head hurts, my vision gets splotchy. I literally have to fucking stand still and force my mind not to lock up or obsessively concentrate on the worms. If I see a maggot in the morning, I'll still feel emotional affects from it for hours on end unless I distract my mind somehow. When I eat food, I constantly pick through it to check for hidden worms. (Imagine how long it takes me to inspect any and all rice. Even ramen noodles give me the willies.)

This all may seem silly to you or like it's something I make up but trust me, I DO NOT want to feel this and live in such fear. It's honestly horrible. It's bad to be so crippled in fear over something so fucking small. Honestly, if someone offered me thousands of dollars to eat a live maggot, I would turn it down every fucking time. No way. Mental shock and pain is not worth any amount of money to me when it comes to worms.

This phobia is my worst. It's my weakness. I also have a fear of vomit but it's nowhere near this bad. I try to live my life without fear of these things but it's not something I can help or change on my own. I feel forever plagued and flawed because of this fear but I know it's okay. It's not something I can fix it's just there.

I felt like sharing this because I often wonder if other people have this specific phobia. Also, I just wonder what other types of phobias people have and how bad they are affected by them. Please never make light of someone's phobia. Nine times out of ten they are NOT doing it for the attention but because it's terrifying to them and it plagues their life. Feel free to share your phobia if you like in the comments. Sometimes it really helps to voice your issues and to spread the awareness that phobias are a serious thing.