Crawl Out Before It's Too Late

I feel that I am very sad person. My life has no purpose or meaning...but...ever since I became involved in Special Olympics, I don't feel that way anymore. The problem is; now my only purpose in life is to give myself to others. I don't know how to give myself to myself.

I met a guy, his name is Rafer, and he's different. He's intelligent and he intimidates me and I don't know what to do. I feel that I annoy him, I feel like he could do better. He has the laugh of a God and when he addresses me, I have to smile and laugh like a idiot because he tilts his head and blinks too many times for comfort. He's dangerous for me and I'm going to stop trying to contact him.

I'm sad because I'm sad. I'm sad because I feel like I'm not worthy of him and I should just stop now before it's too late. Not knowing whether Rafer wants me or not brings back all this feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. Me giving myself to people masked those feelings, and made me feel worthy...but I still don't.