My Gross Bad Habit. What's Yours?

Okay so I have a confession to make...I'm....a....

(deep breath)

Thumb sucker.

(well a finger sucker but you get the point)

I know I know. I'm going to be twenty in less than three month and I'm still addicted to one of the most common habits there is.

I started when I was around three or four so it never messed my teeth up, but it makes my fingers look really gross and pruned sometimes and it's even been the reason for some childhood bullying. Regardless, I never wanted to stop before. Not even after people went through countless trials of trying to get me to. I remember throwing a tantrum in second grade because my finger sucking grossed my teacher out so much that she sprayed air freshener on my hands so I wouldn't put them in my mouth. I wasn't too happy about that.

Most people look at it and just see it as gross but not a lot of people take time to understand that this was the only way that I could calm myself down as a child. It's just a really bad form of self soothing and I never really grew out of it. I was talking to my friend about it and she compared it to smoking a cigarette. It's literally addictive. I feel like I'm addicted to my fingers. It helps me think clearly. It helps me fall asleep. It even helps me calm down in stressful situations. I am a very anxious person so it really comes in handy.

Needless to say though, I think it's time to quit. Like I said , I'm gonna be 20 soon and I really don't want to be working at good job, or at a party, or doing idk.,.other adult things that 20 year olds do and sucking my fingers. Also it makes me really germaphobic. Since my fingers are always in my mouth, I avoid doing and touching a lot of things. Or at least I try to. Sometimes I forget and then remember after I've already put them in my mouth by habit, and proceed to freak out and convince myself I'm going to die.

Also I can't paint my nails! I have such a problem with using the fingers I put in my mouth to do things. Like I never put anything on them. I don't even use them the type. So putting nail polish on them makes me extremely nervous. I've tried it a few times but most of the time I just forget I have it on, and the next day the polish on my fingers will be gone! Which means I ate fingernail polish! Which also convinces me that I'm going to die!

I was looking in forms today that gave advice on how to stop (children) fro sucking their thumb/finger and someone suggested that they use something else to sooth them. Like a blanket or a teddy bear ha. But what can I use that will make me feel as good as I do when I have my fingers in my mouth? Man that was a weird sentence.

(I guess drugs would work lol)

This sounds like the dumbest thing ever but quitting is so hard, and so important to me though. Whatever if I can't do it myself, then I'll just have to buy a finger guard lol. I'm about to pain my nails and force myself not to do it all day. If I can go at least four days without doing it, I'll be good I think.

If you haven't guessed, I'm also a nail biter.

What's your bad habit? Do you want to stop any time soon?