My Brain Is Melting

So for a while now I've been taking antidepressants and they have been helping. I feel happier and more confident.

But I ran out about a week and a half ago and wasn't able to get a doctor's appointment to get a refill until today (I have to get a refill every month because I only started taking them in late February and it's policy or something like that).

I feel awful though. I'm getting frustrated and angry so easy, I cry at the drop of a hat and my moods are just so up and down that I'm wondering if I have bipolar disorder or something.
And the idea of that just hurts so much because I'm already so broken and damaged, I don't want there to be something else wrong with me. I just can't.
My life is going to go to hell soon and I can't deal with this.
I'm going to be moving in a couple of months, just when I've started to really enjoy where I live and in a month, my boyfriend, the person I've come to love and care for very much, who has been a huge help to me and is my rock... is going to go back to Canada. I don't know when I'm going to see him again and I don't know if our relationship is going to continue romantically and it hurts so much to even think of him not being in my life that way.
The idea of not waking up to him every morning is enough to make me cry and I don't know what I'm going to do when he's gone.

I just... I hurt so much and I don't know what to do. And as soon as I start to take those pills again, I'm going to feel a million times worse because I haven't been taking them.

I just want to sleep.
May 20th, 2014 at 10:51pm