Discouraged Writer

Originally, I considered not saying a thing, but after speaking to a friend yesterday, and reading their blog entry (partially as a result of said conversation), I decided I'm just going to put this out there.

I, as someone who really puts her heart and very soul into her writing, am feeling severely discouraged to do so as of late. Writing is a way for me to express a small bit of my warped little mind and ideas, and I put a lot of time and effort into it. I really go out of my way to keep my updates as fresh and interesting as possible, and I even employed a fellow member of this site as a beta (which I deemed necessary, to make sure my updates are as perfect as possible, especially since I'm not English!)

So, basically, I do my part, overcoming some obstacles, going the distance to try and please readers, going on what little feedback I get. However, now it seems that the only feedback I actually do get, is from the same handful of readers.

I realise that I might just be overly insecure, because of the fact that I'm an Afrikaans-speaking girl writing in English; and the fact that I kind of parted ways with boyxboy (especially 'frerard'), and I'm now basically dipping my toes in something new, but I still do get readers, they just don't give me feedback!

There is one particular story I'm working on, where I already know the outcome, and I already know how the sequel will play out, but I still find it hard working on it, because of the fact that I try to please the little group of people actually leaving feedback, in a way that still fits my ending plans for the story (and, in doing so, I'm afraid I'm actually turning it into a trainwreck)! I consider that story to be my 'baby', as it was my first story I tried out with a bandmember and an OFC. I was actually so afraid of losing readers, that I added minor boyxboy pairings into the story too, and there were occasions that the readers simply fixated on that. On another site, I also got a comment on said story which kind of made me feel that the story wasn't taken seriously, that it was (in a way) cheapened. I tried forcing myself to update it, hoping that some feedback would help re-ignite the flame to write it (or anything) again/more frequently, but, alas, the lack of feedback has been disheartening!

I know that I'm first and foremost meant to be writing for myself, and my own enjoyment, but I don't see the point in posting my work, if it's not going to be appreciated. I mean, just before I wrote this blog entry, I noticed that I had lost a recommendation on the previously mentioned story! (That may, or may not, have tipped me over the edge of posting this blog entry...). I'm seriously considering giving up writing!

*sighs* I don't know... If you took the time to read this rant, thank you! Sorry if I just wasted your time!