Don't Know How to Blog so I'll Make My Life a Story

The conversation ends in dots, not knowing what else to say as awkwardness filled the texting silence. He did not like her. She did not like him. They had liked each other once, best pals even, only to be casted away into the abyss of the past. She didn't wonder why she bothers to try and communicate with him, the feeling of having someone to lean on escaping from herself.

She looks up for company, her friend already feeling bored with her as she was with him. A plethora of people on phones, all paired with one another, had no intention of trying to find a third in their group, let alone try to communicate with her. Even separated into smaller groups, they were all one big family that knew each other, but decided to have a one on one conversation instead. And there was her.


Not knowing how to entertain herself, she decided to follow the crowd as well. She turned her phone on and off, scrolled up and down, and pretended to keep herself busy.


She remember once that she was close with them, too. Especially Sen and Jun. Jun looked a far from across the room, dazing into her world, with the occasion of turning to Sen and another friend, Mil, for a chuckle or laugh. Sen sat on Mil's lap while Ken sat next to her, playing some mindless game that he was sucked into.

The three talked and talked and she quietly watched, not knowing what else to do. Sen had ignored her. All of them did, but hers seemed to more intentionally. She was probably wrong. She was probably being paranoid once again, making up feelings for other people that may or may not be there. But she didn't care. She believed what she wanted stubbornly.

Sen had her backed turned to her as she made jokes, and she felt a ping in her heart. She felt so, so sad. Why couldn't she just shut off her emotions? Why?

Sen had did the same thing to her down stairs as she talked to four other people she accompanied except her. She had instructed her to go to the special room and wait there, but at first she did not hear. She kept repeating it and repeating it and repeating it and repeating it until she finally glanced at her for a brief second. Then she moved on to Kem, saying how we were all lying, trying to trick her. She did not once go back to her, try to talk to her.

Usually it wouldn't bug her that Sen would ignore her, but after going to her house weeks ago. It sounded silly to an average person, probably asking, "why are you concerned about something that happened weeks ago?" Its been a year since Sen and her had done something alone and together. Her heart could be bridged up in rocks and stones and Sen would manage to slip through like butter.

She loved it and she hated it.
June 5th, 2014 at 04:01am