Kiss Log.22

WHEN: 3 JUN 14
WHERE: 360’s

He kissed me while we watched ja’mie private school girl. i had gotten permission from my parents and my new counselor to see him before I leave to new york. And it was all normal and usual. i always wish i could use more detail to write my kiss logs,but there isnt much to say with 360. Hes never extra sweet to me and never says anything super funny. there is never any advancement in our relationship

This first time we fucked was good, as expected; he pulled my hair hard and so far back our eyes met. He put his fingers in my mouth as i came for the second time

Afterward we talked about new york and the likelihood of him being in ny the same time as me (about 10% chance). then he made me a ton of pizza rolls and we watched Freaks and geeks, eventually having sex a second time. I dont have anything to say about this one except it hurt a little towards the end and i was extremely sore for the rest of the night?? this isn’t the first time its happened either. I think the soreness began when i got the depo shot a little less than a month ago. Its super frustrating, because i can barely handle have sex twice in one night now. Hopefully it passes with the rest of the side effects soon

Fact: i like 360 a lot.

Fact 2: The reasons i like him include he is handsome, i like having sex with him, and we have a lot in common. but if I'm being totally honest with myself, the list ends there. I have talked to him a lot in the past 3 months,so i can't keep using "I don't know enough about him" as an excuse for not liking his personality. The truth is, i dont like it very much. I can't name anything i really dislike about him, but there's nothing i like either. I can't say hes nice, because hes not very. he’ll make me laugh, sometimes,but we don’t have the same sense of humor at all. He doesnt make me happy the same way Boy used to. i always find myself trying too hard to not be bored around him. I also can't help but roll my eyes being around him with his friends (very discretely though)

I also can not figure out if we are dating, how much he likes me, or if i’d like to be more serious with him. The other night,i found out through him that he hasn’t hooked up with anybody else since me. he also told me a series of really flattering things (in his Ill-say-something-that-isn’t-clearly-a-compliment-but-it-is kind of way). I could adjust into a legitimate dating situation with him easily, because that's basically what we're doing now (except I've hooked up with a few people here and there but those were stupid). For a long time, i didn't need/wasn’t looking for personality in a relationship. 360 used to be perfect to me and exactly what I wanted, but now it feels as if it continues this way, time will be wasted for the both of us

i dont know!!!!!!! I was honestly so happy last night after seeing him, and all this morning, but then every time I go to write these kiss logs i end up so grumpy over the emptiness. i already know after the first 3 days in New York, I'll begin missing him terribly. i think i might talk to him about what Im feeling. Or is that a bad idea? Ive always felt u shouldn't complicate a good thing

WHEN: 28 MAY 14
WHERE: ANGELA’S END OF SCHOOL YEAR PARTY

(This entry should have been included in last week’s post,but im just now remembering about it haha.)

I was smoking black cherry cigarettes when I ran into this guy i'm sort of friends with (I wish i was better friends with him!! hes honestly one of the nicest guys i know). Hes really good at soccer and has nice arms and pretty caramel skin. Lemme tell you, he was being handsome as fuck, as usual,and greeted me with a big smile and a hug. He asked if i was smoking a blunt, and i said no, but drunkenly let him know how these cigarettes make my lips taste like cherries. He took a drag and then we kissed for two seconds before i pulled away and didn’t see him for the rest of the nite. I could tell he wished it’d lasted longer but it was a really brief and flirty exchange which is probably why I forgot about it completely haha. I've been wanting to kiss him since freshman year though!!!!