How to Fall Apart.

Oh my god I still need to blog about prom and graduation.

But I don't have time for that today. I'm falling apart.

Literally in both aspects. My hip hurts for some strange reason and it feels like my ankle is going to detach itself from my leg any second. Adding onto that, every single summer-

EVERY. SINGLE.

S U M M E R.

I turn into this weird, emotional wreck that starts getting irritated a lot quicker and stressing out more over nothing. I just want to punch a wall. This summer is going to be so hectic, and I'm so sick of my family, and I hate being that clingy kind of girlfriend, but god I hate being lonely. I really hate it. I used to love being alone but then I moved here and that changed.

Now I'm a jealous fluff ball who wants to get out and be social but avoid parties and drugs and boys and dammit why can't I have friends who don't try to push that stuff onto me. They don't know the shit I've seen with that crap so it's not their fault, but I hate that no one thinks it's fun to just walk around in the sunshine or play on the beach or hike somewhere.

Friend 1-- not everyone has to smoke to have fun. Friend 2-- I don't think it's cute or funny to flirt with every boy I see. Boyfriend-- thanks for saying you understand I don't want to have sex, but don't grab my boobs while I'm driving and tell me how much you want to fuck me.

Why does everything have to be "let's hike over here--and fuck" or "let's take a walk--and smoke".

I'm sober. I don't want to cheat on my boyfriend. I'm not ready to start having sex again. I'm trying to have morals.

So please, future self, don't regret standing up for yourself and saying no. Because right now the summer is coming and it looks like it's going to be so boring and I'm starting to fall apart thinking about it.