My Brain Is Melting v 2.0

Have you ever freaked out about nothing?
Like something so small just seems so big?

I have OCD, not majorly but just enough so my life goes insane and I am very opposed to change. Like I have to follow directions on a recipe or I have to follow the exact directions to get somewhere on a map or I have to use a specific pen when I'm writing or if someone puts a dish in the wrong spot, I get anxious.
So today I asked my boyfriend to defrost some hamburger. Now normally, I just put in the microwave after I puncture the plastic.
But he didn't do that, he took out the meat and put it on a plate and as soon as I saw him do that...

I can't really describe it. My heart started beating fast and I just started to get anxious and freak out.
Over how hamburger is defrosted.
I tried to take it from him but he kept avoiding me so it got worse and soon I was yelling and crying.
Finally my mom came in to see what was going on and I was full out bawling. She asked if I was taking my meds and that just set me off even more.

I'm so sick of being asked that. Every time I freak out or anything, I get asked that and it's so aggravating. I feel like the only way anyone wants to be around me is if I'm on my meds and I just feel even more broken.

I went to my room and spent the next twenty minutes sobbing and hyperventilating. Not only because something I do often was done wrong, but because of how embarrassed I was because I freaked out over something so small.
I yelled at the person I love because he was defrosting hamburger wrong in my eyes.

Maybe it's PMS or the stress that I'm moving soon and he's going to go back to Canada soon. I don't know.

I'm just so sick of feeling so broken.
June 13th, 2014 at 01:12am