I'm the Regina George of Mibba!

Warning: This blog is going to be brutally honest and a bit psychotic.

So....most everyone here knows I like to speak my mind. I've said some honest things in the past that were considered controversial. I'm an open book here for the most part. I mean I do bite my tongue a lot though if I think my opinions might hurt someone's feelings. There's a lot I could say but don't. Still, I do prattle on quite a bit. I think it's best that I tell you all why that is.

In my daily life, I'm an introvert. I like to be alone and at home. I do like the company of my husband, grandma and animals....but that's it really. If I don't get my alone time, I get anxious and have anxiety attacks and get pretty angry. That's just the way I'm wired, okay?

I work a boring fast food job that isn't stimulating mentally whatsoever. I don't hang out with friends in person much anymore because well....I'm just awkward and like I said, an introvert. So that being said, I do have an active mind so I like to write and blog about what's new with me on a daily basis most of the time. That's how I vent all my feelings and emotions.

Now I somewhat don't think that anything is wrong with that per say. Sure, I probably annoy the people who dislike me here with my constant blogs, but they don't have to click on them. I have to avoid blogs I'm not interested in either. It's apart of life. But I have kind of stopped being so controversial with my blog topics. I try not to insult anyone and I go out of my way to try and be nice now.

I'm kind of wondering what the deal is. Not a lot of people talk to me much anymore it feels like. Maybe I'm being nuts but I used to get a lot more feedback on what I posted. Some of it may be due to the fact that I have a hard time replying immediately. It may be the next day before I respond cause I might be busy at the time or Mibba may have eaten my alert. (It's been doing that a lot lately, cough cough.)

Overall though, I try to get back to people. I make rec blogs for people and try to post things that help people start conversations but I just feel like......I've become the Regina George of this place. Like people are fucking tired of me here. I could be going crazy and silly for thinking that. It's probably just my insecurities or whatever which I have a lot of.

I'm not trying to be a diva here honestly. I've always appreciated the followers I've had and I've become so used to them too. When I don't have a lot of people talking to me, I feel sad and lonely like I've done something wrong when really they are probably just busy. Sometimes I wonder how many people have to compliment me and tell me they like having me here before I believe it. I feel bad about that too. I don't mean to be this way.

I don't mean to shrug off compliments in disbelief that people are lying or just saying them to be nice. I wish I could accept that maybe people think I fit in here and that they like my presence. I'm afraid of waking up one day and everyone just fucking hating me here. I don't want to wear out my welcome. If I've done anything to any of you in the past, I am truly sorry. I probably didn't realize my actions or how they hurt you.

I don't want you all to get tired of me but at the same time, I don't want to stop being myself who likes to post daily. There has to be a silver lining someplace. If everyone turns out not to like me in the end, I know I shouldn't care but....I am human and have a lot of messed up feelings I guess. Hopefully in the end I don't get hit by a big bus like Regina lol. That's wouldn't be cool, dude.