Please! Please!

I've been praying for the strength to be able to solely work on my story Filled With Syn. Last night, I had almost started writing on a Matt story but then....I started reading this published erotic book. It's called, "The Submissive," by Tara Sue Me. I LOVED it. In my opinion, it was similar to to 50 Shades Of Grey BUT entirely different and so much more well done. The Dom wasn't abusive nor did he use that as an excuse to whip bad little girls. There was never any time in this book where the Dom pushed the Submissive's limits. The Submissive also wasn't an entire Mary Sue. I mean she actually had some balls and didn't let anyone rail road her.

There was no... "My Goddess is staring at me in the mirror with eyebrows raised" type of subconscious bull. Honestly, I stayed up until 4 AM reading the entire book which was like 300+pages. There was lots of smut but it wasn't boring or all super descriptive in a painful way. The book overall gave me confidence. I found it well written but not in that, impossibly great or complicated way. Like....too high standards way where you feel inferior as a writer just reading it cause it's so well done kind of way lol.

The flow of the words and story were simple and easy to follow. It reminded me of how I've always written in a way even though our styles are different. It's hard for me to explain what I'm trying to get at here but....I feel like the author was published but her writing was normal enough to where I could relate and people like me who write smut can also write just as well. Honestly I've seen Fan Fictions on here with more descriptive smut than in the book I read. It just gives me hope. If her story, which I enjoyed, could be published, maybe there's hope for me one day when I sit down to write something specifically to be published.

Aside from all that, reading the book gave me new inspiration for Filled With Syn. I'd already planned to go down a certain road with the sequel that will shock everyone. This book gave me new ideas of my own and helped get me totally excited to stick with writing Filled With Syn til the end. (That rhymes hehe.)

I guess as a spoiler, I'll let you all know that the sequel will be titled, "Full Of Syn." Yep. I'm so beyond stoked. You have no idea!! Honestly I am a bit annoyed because the first story is taking forever. I have to show you all Jamie's physical relationship with Jason. Also reveal what happens between Jamie and Brian sexually. There's about 6-7 more chapters of Filled With Syn before I can start the sequel which will be much longer chapter wise. I'm trying to push myself through this boring next chapter I'm not interested in writing that way I can get to some of the best parts at the end! Yay! Wooooooo.

What I want to say is....I always put too much pressure and expectation on myself for my stories. I get frustrated because I want to use this fancy and different vocabulary instead of feeling like I'm repeating the same words over and over. I also want to always improve so I keep pushing myself too hard to the point where I get REALLY insecure and feel like a failure and start questioning my value as a writer in general. I'm trying to just relax and tell myself the following, "It's okay to make mistakes. It's just a Fan Fiction on Mibba, a website. You aren't trying to get this story published. Just relax and have fun writing the story. Who the hell cares if there's a few errors, you can always go back and fix them. People do love your story/writing because they give good feedback. Just chill and let it flow naturally."

I know I sound insane for talking to myself. I don't do it aloud but in my mind. Just trying to give myself a pep talk and some motivation. If I mess up, it's OKAY. The world is not going to end and my mistakes most likely are not going to be pointed out to everyone publicly. Most people probably just overlook the tiny things, ya know?