Since I'm trying to get most of this out while my memory is still fresh, I'm going to try and get most of these in a little quicker.
So one day as I was going through Facebook, I saw a post that Johnny wrote regarding him walking home at night. He explained that he felt a little paranoid about walking home from school at night in the dark. I could understand his reasoning. Like most HBCUs, we were placed dead smack in the hood where we literally have experienced lock downs because of someone carrying firearms on the campus (not one of the students, must I add) and people getting robbed. So, what I did was text him and suggest that I take him home everyday after his classes and free time spent there. At first it wasn't too much fun because this fool would literally stay on the campus until 11:00 sometimes just to do graphic work and watch anime. I got aggravated because I felt like it was a little excess. But eventually one of the adjunct professors in the department said that we had to leave the art building at 7:30 because students weren't securing the building as they should. So after 7:30 I would take Johnny back to his place. At first I would just drop him off then leave. But one time he convinced me in his own way to come in and stay for a while because I didn't like going home early because all my parents did was tell me to do a whole lot of chores which I hated doing since I was barely in the house. Plus there was a lot of drama going on in the house at the time. From that point on, I would occasionally stay at his place for a long while then come home.
My parents eventually set a time limit on how long I stayed out. They told me that I had to be home by 9:30 which was no fun because that meant that I would have to leave the his house at 8:50 to make it home on time (yes, I lived that far away). Luckily, though, some days he decided on going home earlier so that meant more alone time with him. Because we're both secretive people, we didn't like to show too much affection at the school because the art department was so small and word got around easily there. So any type of affection took place where he lived or while alone in the art building (which was rare). We would talk a lot and mess around with each other, usually in more of a sexual way, to be honest, and sometimes take naps. I really enjoyed talking to him because he was such a good listener and could engage in a conversation without it getting super boring. And because we were just really starting to get to know each other, we had so much to talk about regarding ourselves and other things that happened in our lives. I really enjoyed my times with him. It took me a while to realize it, but he enjoyed it too, maybe just as much as me. One thing I learned about Johnny is that he has a tendency to conceal certain feelings. Although he denies it, I know it's because he doesn't want to make himself vulnerable to possibly getting hurt. I know this because of some information that I learned that comes later in these chronicles.
But one day I was extremely upset because my classes had been dropped because I didn't electronically sign my loan papers. I knew nothing about it because no one helps anyone in college regarding payment for school unless your parents help you, so I technically had no classes. I was extremely stressed and frustrated that I didn't want to go home because I knew that I would have to deal with the stress of my parents and I just couldn't deal with that at the time. So what I did was decided that I would spend the night at Johnny's place. He had previously told me that he didn't mind if I spent the night some times. First I asked him and he said he was fine with it. Then I had to ask my parents. I fought with them about it only for them to say no. It made me so upset I could barely focus and I just knew that I would breakdown. I didn't, though. Can't be doing that shit in public, son. So I made up my mind. I decided that I was going to do it anyway. I really wasn't trying to face the stresses of going home that night. Just thinking back on that day kind of pisses me off.
So of course Johnny decides he wants to stay late at night in the art building. I was dead tired and it was almost 12:00 (this is before the time limit in the art building, yeah I know, out of order). I was also nervous abut the decision I made. By that time my dad had known that I was defying him and choosing to stay at Johnny's place anyway. My phone was off so they took Johnny's number off of Isis's phone (my sister). Isis had gotten his number off my phone a while ago without my permission. They started harassing and even threatening Johnny. To me that was a low blow. My dad was acting like Johnny kidnapped me or persuaded me into doing this, although he did none of the sort. My dad tried to act like it was illegal for me to be with him, as if I wasn't 18. Either way he was wrong about the situation.
Finally we made our way home, but they were continuously harassing Johnny's phone. Eventually they called and told him to put me on the phone. I talked to him. He was upset and threatening me saying he would kick me out of the house if I didn't get home. But I knew my dad too well, and I knew it was all bullshit and he was just trying to make me scared. So I denied. Because at that point, if I went home, I knew I would get hell which was the exact opposite of what I wanted. In the end, he couldn't talk me into going so I didn't go. Johnny was mad at me at that point too because my dad had said that he was going to come to Johnny's place to take my car from me. I didn't care and let him do it. But Johnny is super secretive and he wasn't happy about my parents know where he lived. But they eventually came.
Johnny gave me a giant shirt to sleep in. While I was trying to sleep on the futon, I was super cold. The type of person I am, I don't sleep that well when I cold. This was during the time when fall was around the corner, so the nights were getting more chilly. I think I complained about being cold a little and struggled to sleep. Although Johnny was mad at me, it was like his heart softened a little. He said "Come here," in an annoyed voice. To me it was kind of funny how he was mad at me, but decided to let me sleep next to him. When he felt how cold I really was, he was shocked because I'm always warm, so he held me nicely, even though at first he didn't want to touch me. I finally got what I wanted, though.
The next morning I showered and dressed in the same clothes. It was a Friday and most art majors didn't have school on Friday because for us that's a day to work on art projects for different classes. For me it was the day to handle my classes being dropped and shit. I talked to my mom that day. She was mad at me but I didn't give a fuck. My parents (my dad especially) didn't understand the stress of college. My dad had never been to college until he was an adult. Even then he was a part-time student. My mom dropped out of college. So I wasn't trying to have a reason to want to just drop out, because then that would be devastating. But I knew I had some serious trouble to face.
After I handled what I could that day, I kindly asked Jasmine to take me home. She was feeling extra nice that day and bought Chipotle for me. I was happy that she was being so nice since I had such a terrible week.
Once I got home, I knew I was fucked, but I didn't care. My life felt fucked anyway. So what my dad did was he made me take the bus for a week (which was four days for me). I had to take the bus from where I lived to my school. It would take an hour to get there. That meant I had to wake up much earlier than I did before. I was already waking up earlier than I liked to get to my 8 o'clock math class. So the extra time was terrible for me. I was dead tired in that class that I could probably count the days I didn't fall asleep in that class better than the ones that I did fall asleep in. I never meant to fall asleep, I was just dead tired. And when I had to wake up even earlier to get there, I was usually asleep before the class even started. All day I was tired those days and I couldn't stand it. After the first day I begged my dad to let me stop because I learned my lesson. But he didn't waver. Karma. I didn't see Johnny as much those days because I mainly saw him when I took him home, which didn't occur since I was taking the bus.
Luckily my dad let me stop after three days because my mom didn't like waking up earlier just to take me to bus stop. So I was happy about that.
But that wasn't the last time I slept at Johnny's house, and the next time I did, I had permission, and things were a lot different.
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