Guess What? I Did It

I can't sleep. I don't know when I'm going to keep a steady sleeping schedule. It's so stressful. I've been laying in bed for 3 hours and I just can't stop thinking and I'm not tired enough to sleep. So I did it. Did what? The survey. And here it is.

1. Are you a very open or private person?
[edited] I'm very open around nonjudgmental people. I could never be myself around my family so I know when not to be open, but when I'm allowed to, I'm pretty much the most open person there is!

2. Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
Yes, they can achieve anything they put their minds to. <3 Um, but seriously, I don't believe in ghosts. My lights flicker and random shit falls in my room for no reason but I just don't see how or why it would be possible that people stick around after death or something. And aliens, I believe it's highly likely they exist somewhere since there are like multiple universes and millions (billions?) of planets that we don't even know about or whatever. Whether they're real or not, I've had a major fascination and obsession with aliens and UFO's since I was about 5 or 6. It's very intriguing to me, especially the conspiracy aspect of it.

3. When did you stop believing in Santa?
When I was about 10 I admitted to myself that he wasn't real. Before then I sort of felt too guilty to admit that he wasn't real because I knew my mom put so much effort into the whole thing.

4. What do you get complimented on the most?
I have no idea. I get compliments on my writing from time to time, but when people compliment my appearance they don't really specify what they think is good looking about me. They just say I'm pretty or whatever. Sometimes random strangers will compliment my hair, though. To tell you the truth, I don't think anyone is actually attracted to me. I really don't like how I look but I don't like talking about it so I'm going to stop. Yeah, to answer the question... I don't really know.

5. How are you feeling right now?
Insane. I can't even think of the word.

6. If money was no object, where would you move to?
I don't really know, wherever there's some kind of excitement going on. Which is seemingly nowhere. Maybe Australia or England or Washington state. Not that there's any excitement in those places, it just seems like I'd feel a little more relaxed there.

7. Who was the last person to make you cry?
Carrie Brownstein with her amazing guitar playing.

8. Did you make any resolutions for this year?
Yes, basically to try and be as confident and creative as possible.

9. Is there a song which can bring you to tears instantly?
It's funny that you should ask because lately songs that aren't even sad have been making me burst into tears. Mainly Dig Me Out by Sleater-Kinney, just this one fucking 5 second part of that song is so emotional to me that it just triggers something and I start sobbing. I was listening to The White Album earlier and I cried during every song because they're just so good. But besides that there's You Are My Sunshine, Somewhere Over the Rainbow, I'll Be Missing You by Puff Daddy, Moon River, In My Life by The Beatles... there's a lot but these are really bad.

10. Who was the last person you talked about sex with?
I try to avoid the subject at this point because the way most people act about it disturbs me. I mean all of my friends and I will talk about it in an offhand way all the time, but in a personal way I think it was this guy Elias.

11. Anime Boyfriend/Girlfriend?
I've never seen an anime.

12. Favorite Artist/Bands?
Sleater-Kinney, Elliott Smith, The Velvet Underground, Pink Floyd, The Ramones, Led Zeppelin, Nirvana, Hole, Bikini Kill, The Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, The Smiths, Joy Division, The Beatles, The White Stripes, My Bloody Valentine, Radiohead, Patti Smith, T. Rex, David Bowie, John Fahey, and like literally thousands more bands, rappers, blues, country and folk musicians, pop singers, etc. Literally all I think about is music, so I could go on for a very long time.

13. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
It's an astrology book, it says, "This is the place you call your own and share with loved ones, literally and figuratively."

14. What do you think about most?
Music, my future, how the whole setup of how our society is run is totally fucked up and illogical. Honestly, I'd say I literally think about music 95% of the time and I'm not exaggerating.

15. Do you have any strange phobias?
I'm afraid that I'll accidentally say something crazy. This is a new phobia of mine. The other things I'm afraid of are pretty common (I'm especially afraid of the dark).

16. Do you believe in soul mates?
Yes. Even if it's not a predetermined thing, I think there's always a lot of 'kindred spirits' that everybody meets throughout their lives; and that one that you can always work through the fights with (or never even fight with in the first place).

17. Do you play video games?
No. Some of them are fun, and I used to get addicted to them as a kid. But every time I'd get some kind of console or gameboy or whatever, my uncle would steal and pawn it for drug money within a month, so I never got too attached.

18. What age do people usually mistake you for?
People tell me I look like I'm 15. I don't know how to act or dress "womanly" or something, it's weird. Not that should even be a problem or thing that exists. But neither does my mom. My mom and I are like Sarah Silverman or something, with the way we dress.

19. What or whom do you miss right now?
I miss being in (requited) love. I used to worry about it a lot because I was afraid that it'd never happen again. Now, it's not such a desperate, frantic thing. It's more a depressive longing. I rarely think about it, actually, but that is what I miss.

20. What perfume do you wear?
Either Victoria Secret/Pink "Warm and Cozy" or a Bath and Body Works one that I don't know the name of. I also have a Dior one but it smells too heavy to wear too often.

Um, okay. So that was it. I'm going to try to actually go to sleep now instead of listening to Sleater-Kinney on repeat and reading Carrie Brownstein interviews. Oh and sorry if this was the least eloquent and most nonsensical thing you've ever read... if anyone is reading this. Bye.
July 7th, 2014 at 12:22pm