Opening scene. A year ago, little freshman me. I had this best friend, Elaine. We had been friends since kindergarten. She was the rock in my life and I had always lusted after her older brother, Lewis. He was beautiful to me, even at the age of six. He was a year older and I wanted to know him.
Ten years later, Lewis falls in love with me. Along the way, I lost some friends. Sadly, one of them was Elaine. Lewis and I were undeniably in love and I know that because I have never let myself open up that much.
It was only ten months, but it felt like so much more. In those months, I lost my virginity to him, said I love you for the first time, and felt things I'd never felt.
Sadly, within the last few months, we fought a lot. Along the way, I developed pretty bad depression and anxiety which were sadly reinforced by our arguments. We fooled ourselves into thinking we would make it, and we didn't.
We tried taking a break, a month or two. After a week, he hooked up with a girl and that killed me. I cut off communication with him and worked to regain friendships. Other the course of the next four months, he would try to talk to him. He would add and then delete my social media, he would try to text me, like my things, whatever it took.
Two months ago, I finally responded, just friendly enough. I have changed as a person since then and I had to intention of opening back up. He continued to message me once a week or so and ask for advice. I knew more about his past than anyone and naturally he still wanted to talk about it and get advice.
I reciprocated and helped him through some things with his family and other girls. We stopped talking for a few weeks, and in that time, I met Alex. I'm currently dating Alex and he's undeniably incredible.
Although, about a month ago, Lewis began texting me again. He would send me texts at one in the morning having a break down about his life and asking me for help. They began to get more and more often, to the point of it being every other day. Sometimes I would respond, but other times I wouldn't.
He would always say things like, "I always seem to keep coming back to you," and "I miss being close to you. I thought of your family the other day, etc." He would send me pictures of cards my parents wrote him on holidays, letters he wrote for me but never gave to me during our relationship, the stuffed animal I got him, or anything like that. He would always say our jokes or bring up things I used to be obsessed with.
Alex knows I talk to him here and there and he hasn't said anything about it, but the other day, Lewis called me up and asked what I was doing. I told him I was busy and hung up after a minute or so. Since then, he has been trying to hang out and catch up. It would be an hour or two, just simple enough to talk.
I want to. I miss the old him, but I would never want to date him again. I want to know him, but I don't. I need help, and I have no idea what to do. Someone please help me.
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