Relationships

It's weird being my age and seeing all these couples going around. It's weird seeing some couples even going out for days say 'I Love You' seems a little too extreme. There are so many moments I see high school kids that say they're in love, but I keep thinking that they're not in love but in lust.

Is it that weird to think about it? I never been in a relationship myself, even if my low self-esteem is hidden I know that I do have a cute face. I'm forever a hopeless romantic or that's what I think I am anyways. I always liked the idea of being with someone, and doing things with them then again who doesn't? At the same I time I don't want to get hurt,(once again who doesn't?) and I keep selfishly thinking about the mistakes my friends do with their relationships that I believe I can handle it differently then they do.

Sometimes I selfishly believe I can be a great girlfriend and I sometimes feel myself getting excited that some day someone will sweep me off my feet. At the same time, I remind myself that all relationships are different and it's not the stories I read as realty hits. Sure there might be cute moments but usually those moments will last about like what a minute or two? Super unlike what they show in tv shows, movies, or even books. Also at the same time, I don't think I can even handle being in a relationship! I feel like I would be totally awkward.

I usually quiet depending on the atmosphere. Let me explain:
When I'm in a group I talk a little more, but I silently observe everything. Trying to watch what I say even though sometimes I don't.

When I'm alone with someone, sometimes I do talk a lot. Then I run out of things to say and I can stay quiet for a super long time until someone asks what am I thinking even though I'm not thinking anything at all.

Sometimes I even feel like I don't have the mentality to even be in a relationship since my childhood and early teenage years a complete fraud. The years of mental abuse I received from my mother of course left me scared. Mind you I do have therapy. There are some things I have a hard time telling my therapist so I just write it out.

ANYWAYS back to young couples' saying 'I Love You'. I feel that it's too early in any relationship to straight out to say I love you. I even made a mental note which is incredibly stupid that when I do get in a relationship I want it to grow into the 'I Love You' stage. I want to spend good maybe what 6 months or more of saying 'I Really Like You' to then finally 'I Love You'.