The Message Memory Blog Thingy.

Hi.
Hey.
How's it going? c:

So I've just been sat cleaning out my inbox on here, since I don't really need most of the messages in there anymore, and I couldn't help but sit and read through some of the older ones from friends I've made that I haven't spoken too in a long time. I actually, legit have tears in my eyes because I miss some of these people so much.

Some of them abandoned me, and some of them left because I'm a bitch. And some just left with no word. It makes me realise I've made a lot of mistakes and it's cost me a lot of friendships. Even a relationship. Why? Because I was scared.

I'm always scared of getting close to people because I always end up hurt and alone all over again. My friendships never last because they all end up abandoning me for whatever reason it is they have, and my relationships never work out because I'm not good at relationships, especially long distance. I have trust issues, I have a low self esteem, and I'm not good at any of this shit.

So amongst my tears and re-reading a load of old conversations that still make me smile even to this day, I'm making apologies here and now.

I'm sorry to anyone I was ever a bitch too. Something provoked it, and clearly you're all better people than I'll ever be. I'm pathetic, and I'm pretty sure everyone knows that. I don't deserve any of you in my life. You all deserve better friends than me.

To the relationship I destroyed with my trust issues, I'm sorry. The note we ended on was a shitty one, especially after we'd come so far. That reason was total bullshit. That is not what bothered me at all. I just needed an excuse to hide that I was scared. I was scared to get close to you again because you've hurt me so many fucking times before. I was scared because I didn't know if I'd ever be good enough for you. But reading back over what we had a year ago, probably longer, is making me realise that yes, we were all wrong for eachother in both friendship and relationships, but I really do miss you. I'm sorry for everything I ever did wrong, and I wish you the best of luck in everything you plan to do in your future. You deserve nothing but total happiness.

I dunno. I guess this is a closure of some sort? I know most people aren't online anymore to see this because they've all fucked off and vanished without word now, but I still wish them the best in whatever it is they're doing now.

But to those who are still online and will (maybe) see this; I really, truly am sorry for ever doing you wrong, and I completely understand if you hate me for it.

But yeah. Now that's all off my chest and such, I can concentrate on getting pre-writes and such done. ^-^

And to all old friends who vanished after I finished Violent Whispers, Silent Screams; COME BAAACCCCKKKK. I miss you all. D:

I hope you all have a good week.

Stay awesome dudes! \m/

--AJB xo

Song of the day: My Chemical Romance - Welcome To The Black Parade.