Hello There (Saturday)

The date is Saturday August 9, 2014

Time: 3:00am
Hours Awake: 11

Hey sorry about the shortness of the last one but I was busy playing Black Ops 2 with my fiancé. I’ve only been awake for about 8 hours give or take a few minutes so I’m still pretty sound of mind. Anyway, you may or may not be wondering why I am writing these ‘Hello There’ things. If you are, then it’s because I can, and because I want to, but mostly because it’s keeping my mind focused on something, even if it is only what button I have to push next to complete the thought I’m trying to type. If you aren’t then I’m sorry you just read that. Well not really. Now I’m starting to wonder, for those of you who weren’t interested in knowing why I write these up, why you are even reading these things if you weren’t at least a bit curious. Meh, another question to go unanswered.

Anyway, I’m now messing with my Mibba blogs…creating a layout.

Okay I lied, I was going to but I got tired of the pop-up ads I was getting every time I clicked something. I’m currently also texting my fiancé. So I have nothing more to write right now.

Time: 3:57am
Hours Awake: three minutes till it’s been 12.

I’m just surfing through Tumblr. Listening to Skinny Love – Birdy, on repeat. Still texting my fiancé. Eating Sour Cream & Cheddar flavored potato chips, with sour cream.

Time: 4:48am
Hours Awake: Almost 13

I had a brief conversation with Crowley and Death. And I just realized that none of you understand this…I’m on a website called Chatzy. We are role-playing the Supernatural World. There is a person who’s playing Crowley, and another who is playing Death. We’ve also got a Castiel, Jessica, Sam, Gabriel, and so on. They are actual people, so I’m not hallucinating that I actually talked to Crowley, and Death…but if I was it would be so cool. I can only imagine the conversation.

By the way, I play Dean, and an OC called Kallan…she’s real. She may not be real in the physical sense, but she’s real enough to me, and I can be very convincing. I can also multi task so, no I don’t get lost in the conversation, or mix up who said what. Well, there have been a few times I thought I was on Dean but spoke Dean’s sentence with Kallan, and vise-versa, but it was accidental and everyone was cool with it. They realized who was actually supposed to say it.

You know, now that I think about the online world I remember when I was younger, like early teen years, and I always heard about online predators, or how people can invent an identity, and I shouldn’t trust anything they say. I was always warned not to tell people where I lived or my real name or anything real about me…the problem is…is if everyone did that then no, you couldn’t trust anything anyone said, but can you really trust what someone says when you just met them in person? Think about it, if everyone treated everyone like we are told to do when we are online, in Real Life, then no one would have friends, would they?

I mean, I don’t tell people my exact address or even the town I’m in but they know what country and state. They don’t know my real name, until I believe I can trust them, which is difficult to figure out if I do or not because how can I know they are being truthful with me? Or if they believe me when I tell them something about myself? But when I believe they are being real in a sense, I only give them my first name, and sometimes, very rarely they get my last name.

I actually have a very good friend, who I met on Mibba, who after a while got my name, and we became friends on Facebook. But she knew that the name she had been calling me by wasn’t real, as was the name I had been calling them by. Before that, I gave her my address and she started writing me letters, and/or sending a Christmas card, or birthday card/drawing, she’d also just send me a picture she drew. When she got my real name is when she got my e-mail address.

I know you are probably thinking ‘But what if she turned out to be someone else? What if she was a he? What if they were a rapist, or a murderer?’ Or something like that. Well, I would have dealt with it if it turned out that way. However it didn’t. I trusted that she was being honest with me when she said she was just going to send me a Christmas Card. I trusted her when she told me wasn’t some creepy stalker. I trusted her, when I had never met her in person. She trusted me when I told her what my address was, and everything else. She trusted me, when we had never met.

We do the same thing with others that we meet in the Real World. We talk to them, get a ‘feel’ of their character, and then we either trust them, and are honest, or we don’t and we lie, or leave the conversation. How do we know that they aren’t some rapist, or murderer? We don’t. We trust ourselves to read the person, and then we trust them not to break this fragile trust we have given them. Yes, it could go either way, and if it turns out badly then we hesitate to trust so easily again, but we eventually do. But sometimes, our trust is rewarded, and we get a friend. But if we are too hesitant to trust, we get nowhere.

Again, ‘You can’t see the other person when you are on the internet like you can in Real Life. How can you know if you are reading them right, or if what you are reading is the real them, and not something they just said to make you think you can trust them?’ To be honest, I’m not sure how to answer the questions I just wrote as if it had been you who asked them. But I’ll try.

Well, honestly, me personally, I believe that everyone I meet has the potential to be a good person. I believe what they tell me is true, until otherwise proven false. I do test them in ways, trying to trip them up, or something like that, but they do the same to me. That is how I ‘read’ a person over the internet. I ask an insane amount of questions, all general ones, before asking something that would be considered personal. I don’t ask personal questions until I feel that they are being honest with me. And if I get an answer that seems ‘off’ I find a way to leave the conversation as gracefully as I can. I trust myself, I trust my instincts. Sometimes I find my initial feel of the person is off, and I start to slowly distance myself from them. Eventually I start ignoring them. Some get the point and leave me alone, others, I just report, and/block. I haven’t yet met anyone that has gotten more bothersome then sending constant emails, or messages on Facebook. One day I might, and I’ll handle it the best way I can.

Most of the time though, it never gets to the point I know their real name or them mine, they are just someone I get along with, and consider a friend over the internet, and I’m cool with that. I don’t need to know everything about them, like they don’t need to know everything about me. But if they need advice, and they tell me their problem, I help them out the best I can, and I know they feel comfortable enough with me. Or vise-verse, I have a problem, or I just need to rant, I feel comfortable enough with them to do just that, though I do apologize for doing so, most of the time they don’t care, they offer their advice and we carry on with whatever we’d been talking about before.

I’m not going to just isolate myself from meeting people online because is dangerous. Going outside and even staying inside is dangerous. Life is dangerous, but I’m not going to stop living it because of ‘what ifs’ or unpredictable situations, it wouldn’t be any fun. No I’m not a big risk taker I don’t’ jump out of airplanes, and I’m not telling anyone to. Though I suppose some of you think that giving the girl my address was like jumping out of a plane, but to me it wasn’t. I guess, what I’m trying to say is…I trust myself, and yes I know I can be wrong, and I have been wrong, but I am human, and I allow myself to learn from my mistakes so it doesn’t happen again. I’m not judging anyone who isn’t like me, or who just can’t understand what I mean. This is me. These are my thoughts, and opinions. What you do with the information is up to you. I’m trusting you to respect them, and by default I’m trusting you to respect me. The rest is up to you.

Time: 5:50am
Hours Awake: Almost 14.

The Sun is up again. My right eye is starting that stupid shit again. I also have the hiccups. I’m going back to Tumblr.

Time: 7:01am
Hours Awake: 15

Well, you know how I said my right eye was being a douche-nozzle, but not in that exact way? What am I talking about you just read that…whatever I’m not backspacing all of that. Anyway, I took my glasses off and it stopped. The problem now…I can’t flecking see half the shit I’m typing.
I went on Google and typed nearsighted, because I could and even though I know I’m nearsighted, I was just checking, and apparently it’s actually called Myopia. I never knew that. Until now.

Okay, I’ll come back to that in a moment or so…right now..,

Some jackass is mowing the lawn. It’s 7:12am in the morning, yes I just realized you know it’s morning because of the ‘AM’ thing I put but I can do what I want…anyway, its 7am and there’s an ass-hat mowing the lawn. It’s very distracting, never mind that’s it’s 7 O’CLOCK IN THE FREKING MORNING, AND THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL SLEEPING AT THIS TIME, AND YOU ARE MOWING THE LAWN! I know people wake up early, because of work, and I know some people work on the week=end, but…I was always taught that it’s rude to wake people up unless it’s an emergency, before 9am. I was also taught you don’t go places until after 10am, because it’s rude, and most places are definitely open after 10am. Okay motherfucker if you are going to maw the damn lawn at 7 in the morning, you could at least do it all at once. This stop, start bullshit, is just that bullshit. I know you probably want to get this shit done and over with so you can enjoy the rest of your day off, or whatnot, but really? Do you have to start and then stop and repeat? It’s 7am, it’s too early for this shit. Whatever, I’m so over it.

Back to what I was originally saying…

I didn’t know that Myopia was the actual technical term for the medical, (Is that what you classify eye issues as?), condition that is most commonly referred to as being nearsighted. If you did, how did you know that? I’m 22 years old and I didn’t…not saying that you shouldn’t know when I didn’t, I’m just curious about why you would know that. Did you know it because you are nearsighted, or someone you know is nearsighted, or something? I mean I found out I was nearsighted when I was in 2nd grade…I never, not even once, before today, looked up on why that would be, or anything. If you didn’t know that is was actually called Myopia…well now you do, and you learned something new, like I did.

Also, I’d like to point out that Myopia sounds like a fancy name for an illegal drug. Oh, and farsightedness is actually called, Hyperopia. I looked that up to because of curiosity. Which sounds more like an energy drink then a name for a drug, or a medical (Again is it?) condition. I just looked it up, and it’s an Eye disorder, I’m going to say ‘Fuck it’ and leave it at that.

Time: 8:46am
Hours Awake: 16

I’m seriously debating on the pros and cons to cutting my right eye out. It’s really pissing me off. It is sore and the outside corner of it burns. It’s annoying because if feels dry but it’s even worse when I get it wet, and mentally screaming right now. This shit sucks.

Time: 10:05am
Hours Awake: 18

I’m feeling really blank right now. Not any specific feeling, but just blank. I really can’t describe it. I’m just here. You know? Like I’m breathing and messing around on the internet, but while I smile, and I laugh at some of the things I read, or see, I’m not really feeling any particular emotion. Empty, yet not sad, or upset. I don’t get it. Is there a better word then blank?

Okay, I just got done listening to Taylor Swift’s ‘Safe and Sound’ and right after Christina Perri’s ‘Human’ came on. I went from blank, to wanting to cry, for no real reason, but not being able to.
Strange how emotions work…

Have you ever in-hailed deeply and then forget to ex-hail, till your brain goes ‘hey dipstick, you kind of need more air…to you know continue to live! Ex-hail, and in-hail again.’ Because yeah, just did that. Also right eye is still acting off…feels like there’s a bunch of gunk in it, but…nothing. Also when I blink sometimes everything is blurry on the right side. Left eye just fine.

Time: 11:21am
Hours Awake: 19

I cried, and my right eye is better now…don’t ask me what made me cry. You wouldn’t understand the feelings I have for it. Destiel videos… that’s all I’m saying.

Time: 2pm
Hours Awake: 22

Well, my eye isn’t as bad as it had been earlier. However I have to drip water over it every so often. Otherwise it starts burning. I think it’s because I hadn’t had enough sleep before waking. But it’s getting easier to ignore while I’m busy typing things or reading something. Though I do find myself holding it closed more often than not.

Time: 3:33pm
Hours Awake: 23

I’m so tempted to just tape a wet rag to my right eye and call it good. It’s blurry now, and it feels like there is something sharp in it. I’m actually really tired now, but I’m staying awake. I don’t know why I just am.

Time:5:47pm
Hours Awake: 25

Can’t talk much, RP picked up…playing two characters….got to keep up…

Time: 6:45pm
Hours Awake: 26.

Cas and Dean got engaged. Sam and Jess got engaged. Cas/Dean are going to adopt a ghost/human hybrid 6year old named Rosemarie….This RP is awesome.

Time: 7: 23pm
Hours Awake: 27

Well, we went from calm, to oh-my-god-so-much-is-happening-I-can-hardly-keep-up-holy-shit-this-person-hasn’t-said-anything-oh-hell-I-need-to-reply-quick-type-something-genaric, too, Well, where did everyone go?

I love RP’s. Especially those that are rather fast paced. A lot gets done, and *shivers*It’s exciting.

Time: 8:24pm.
Hours Awake: 28

The RP picked up again…but is now slowing down. We are about to time-skip lol. I’m not explaining that one to you. It’s easy.

Time: 9:23pm
Hours Awake: 29

Well, we had a bit of a surprise. A friend who’d been gone for almost a week came back to the chat. Sadly though, he’s so lost right now, however we are amazing and he’ll pick it up soon.
I’m still keeping my right eye wet. There’s been some kind of gunk coming out of it, but I’m not sure if I have an eye infection…I mean only the skin around it hurts, and it’s not red or itchy or anything…I’m going to stop with this explanation, cause I don’t want you to get grossed out or anything like that.

Time: 10:56pm
Hours Awake: 30

I’m more focused right now on the Rp. But I was looking at pictures on Google and they weren’t gifs, and I swear they moved….or at least I don’t think they were gifs…was it Google, or was it Youtube, maybe it was Youtube, that would explain the moving pictures….I’m going back to the Rp…maybe I’ll remember then…

Time: 12: 24 am
Hours Awake:32

Well that’s it for this one. I’ll be ‘seeing you one the next one….Sunday…maybe…I might now write…I haven’t decided.

((I was up for another 3 hours after I stopped writing this one…I don’t think I’ll be writing something for Sunday, which is today, because it’s 9:27pm and so there’s not too many hours left in the day…seems pointless but I’ve only been up since 8pm anyway. 1 hour awake. Also my right eye is fine now that I slept for 17 hours. Also, in case you are wondering it was Youtube I was on.))