I Actually Drove Today

So I never posted anything about this, but I officially got my permit a few days ago. (Taking the test the second time probably sucked more than the first failed attempt because my mum had to go and ask me a billion times if I was positive I was ready to take it and then I started doubting myself but I passed anyway so that's great.)

Anyway, since I got the card and everything, my family has been bugging me to get behind a wheel to start practicing. Which, I mean, I know that's what you're supposed to do and it's supposed to be "exciting" and "the ultimate freedom," but it scares the hell out of me. Like, honestly, most of the things I learned about in my online driving course had to do with how many teens die per minute in the US while driving a car. I can't remember the exact numbers, but they were pretty high.

That's terrifying. I don't want to put my life at risk like that, nor do I want to put anyone else's life at risk like that. My family, of course, thinks it's hilarious. My fear, that is.

Well, today my mum bugged me about it for an hour, and after another hour of just thinking about it, I finally agreed and she drove me across the main road to the church parking lot.

I can tell you now, I was not even behind the wheel before I could feel the tears of a full-blown panic attack coming on. For some reason, people in my family think I simply think too much and overreact? I don't know, they kind of just brush off my panic attacks and anxiety.

So we're in the parking lot, I get out, I feel like I'm gonna be sick... and then I'm driving around. I feel like I could hardly see over the dashboard, and it's a small car, so that freaked me out even more, but I think I did alright. I tried to park, and while the back right wheel was on the white line with my first attempt, I got it right in the center on my second try.

She wasn't all too sure what she should've been teaching me, really, since my step-dad was supposed to take me out originally and then after my hour of thinking about it he was more in the mood to lay in bed and watch some show about sharks.

I drove around the rows awed at a few baby foxes that were running around the trees next to the church, parked, pretended that there were stop signs and other things. After a while, we were both ready to get going back home, and I had to go and mutter, "Oh, can I drive home now?"

And she responded, "If you think you're ready for it."

Which, honestly, I didn't think I was, but whatever.

So she had me go around the lot another few times, using turning signals for imaginary cars and making "sharp" turns, and then she was telling me how to get out of the lot so that I could get on the main road.

Really, from the church exit and to the road that my circle is on isn't all that far away, maybe a quarter of a mile or so, but I actually did it. I pulled out onto the road, got the speed up to a steady thirty-two, got into the turning lane, onto my road, and parked the car in the driveway.

And we didn't die or anything, so that's a plus.

She said that I'm a natural and did awesome, and that was my first time being behind the wheel of a real car, so that was pretty great. Still kind of freaked out, but knowing that I didn't hit a curb or anything is pretty reassuring.

Well, first day of college in the morning, wish me luck.